Well, well, well, Alabama. I would love to write that you have sunk to a new low, but that is virtually impossible for a state of your “caliber”…and yes, those are air-quotes, and meant to denote the irony of typing such a word and associating it with what can only be described as the inner bowels of hell…a place with fewer redeeming qualities than a disease infested mosquito.
Before I get into the real story here, I feel it necessary to give some points of reference to my seemingly heavy-handed opening salvo…so here are some incredible facts of modern-day Alabama (we all know the glorious history Alabama showcased prior to the Civil War).
- Alabama ranks dead last in our nation in Education…and has been at or near the bottom every year of your humble author’s life.
- Average Income of Alabama’s citizens ranks in the bottom five (5) for both median household and per capita income. IDROS is not trying to belittle hard working citizens, and would never try to mock anyone for their income level. The point here is twofold – First, Alabama contributes poorly to our national income tax coffers as a result of its citizen’s income level; and Second, the state is not carrying its weight in any shape or form and should not have the ability to sway large national issues that may affect US citizens outside of Alabama, ever, as a result.
- Alabama ranks in the top 10 (#7 actually) in violent crimes per capita…sure, numbers 1 and 2 above contribute big time to this statistic, but there are a number of states that fall in the bottom of one or both of the lists above and has a violent crime rate far below that of Alabama.
- Alabama ranks at the very bottom (in 2018 it was 49th of 50…in many recent years dead last) for its awful infant mortality rate…so unless the state fixes things and fast, big AL is actually responsible for more dead babies than Abortion…so much for Pro Life
- Can you guess which state ranks 49th out of 50 in an overall ranking of states, according to statistics including the above, as well as health care, infrastructure, opportunity, general economy, etc.?
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you ALABAMA.
The point here is that Alabama is pretty much the worst place in our country…so doing something like introducing this ridiculous new abortion law is pretty much in line with expectations from a place that ranks 49 out of 50.
Ahhhh…the homogenous group of 25 white MEN, people who are unable to get pregnant themselves…mind you…who took it upon themselves to place the rights of rapists and incestuous sexual predators above those of Alabaman women. Women who are, aside from actually being able to get pregnant, grow another human life (or two or eight) inside of them, get overwhelmed with hormones, have their insides and outsides stretched, crushed and contorted to unfathomable limits, lose countless hours of sleep, and endure pain unknown to all males, actual and EQUAL constituents of these 25 jerk-offs.
The plot gets a little interesting given that Alabama has a female Governor (Kay Ivey). Yep…the populace of that state was evidently enlightened enough to trust their governance to a woman (IDROS believes it must have been a balloting error), but still doesn’t believe said woman should be able to govern her own body. We shall see if Governor Ivey even cares, or if she too is so corrupted by the hypocrisy of the religious right that her own body is no longer part of her jurisdiction.
IDROS would like to make one point crystal clear. No sane person, including IDROS (if you are flexible in your definition of sanity), is PRO abortion. Your author knows HIS lane…and emphasizes the male possessive in absolute solidarity with the fact that this is not an issue that should be legislated, debated, or even posited by any males of our species. Sure, we can opine, when asked, or in the event it is our spermatozoa that fertilized the specific ovum that led to a very difficult decision…maybe even weigh in…in a supportive and chivalrous manner.
But the same people who claim to be PRO “Life” have seen to it that our nation has more guns than people and easier access to them than to clean drinking water. The same mother f-ers that clamor for smaller government want to shrink it so that it fits inside a woman’s vagina…so they can control it from the inside. Talk about hypocrisy. And the vast majority of the government a-holes (and their voter base) who support the legislating of women’s bodies are men (all 25 were in this case).
This “are you f-ing kidding me” watershed moment is even more grotesque and complex than it might appear, however. Why? Because the ridiculous men who brought forth what amounts to the most misogynistic, criminally insensitive and malicious anti-abortion legislation in our nation did so with an ulterior motive in mind. You see, while they do believe the ideas in said legislation, even they, Alabaman politicians, raised and educated in the great school system of Alabama, know enough from their 4 and 5 years in law school and several attempts at passing the bar exam, that the legislation is unconstitutional.
And so these wily little weasels are setting a no-win trap. IDROS feels like Admiral Akbar realizing the deflector shield is still up. The ACLU will step in, trying to protect the females of our species in Alabama, and appeal this legislation all the way up to the SCOTUS…where the new and inferior, rage-inducing conservative majority sits waiting to pounce…and to upend Roe v. Wade.
IDROS says f ‘em. ACLU, hear me now and listen to me later (yes, in Hans and Franz accent)…do not interfere! Let Alabama remain the stain on our nation it desperately seeks to be. We all see where this is going…back alley abortions; bringing back the coat hangers. I can see the blood running down the legs of those poor women now into puddles in some awful Alabaman alley. The Crimson Tide will take on a whole new meaning. And all the blood will be on the hands of a bunch of men, who thought they knew what was best…not just for the women of Alabama…but for the rest of our country as well. (IDROS apologizes for the nauseating, though alliterative, imagery)
IDROS wishes we rational Americans could have a late term abortion and force Alabama out of the US. They are a drag on our resources and are now trying to influence national policy. They must be stopped.
Kay Ivey…you are the first potential blockade. IDROS hopes you choose wisely…but fears the worst.
In the event Kay drops the ball, or the Alabama House of White Male Dicks vetoes her refusal…
Then ACLU, IDROS knows you mean well. But leave this alone. Don’t let Alabama potentially ruin the rest of our country with its ignorance and hypocrisy.
As a closely related aside, IDROS loves the Godfather Part Deux. An amazing scene (among many) is when Kay explains to Michael that she didn’t lose the baby. Watch here. Reflect. Such a great scene! And to think Alabama even wants to prevent women from snuffing out future Mafia Dons with this asinine legislation. Furthermore, IDROS likes that Alabama’s Governor is also named Kay…maybe she will use this opportunity to grandstand, and theatrically shout “This Legislation Was an Abortion…It was an Abortion!”
Anyway…just my 2 ₡
Thanks, as always for reading.
All the best,
IDROS (oh, and call me Deacon Blues)
idontrollonshabbas 