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February 1, 2013 · 4:10 pm

My Heartfelt And Personal Shout Out To Ed Koch

King of New York

I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge the passing of my favorite judge, a New York icon, a Jewish and Israeli activist and a lifelong bachelor with “questionable sexuality.” After all, he presided on the bench in my dominant performance in 1998 on The People’s Court, when I took Ramon “I listen to you Hainah” Diaz to the cleaners, so to speak. There are a number of memorable and laugh out loud funny moments from that experience…I will share one:

The Honorable Ed as I Remember Him

As of 1998, I had never been on a show like The People’s Court before, not even to a taping. Having seen the show a few times, particularly with Wapner in his post-Rain Man prime, I was familiar with the format, the set, the premise and the unmistakable music. But nothing, and I mean nothing, could prepare me for my actual taping. When we (and by “we” I mean myself and my “character witness” Craig) strode through the doors that led to the courtroom set, in boomed the familiar music (bah-dah-dah-dah)…really loud. A) I thought that music would be added in post production/editing – boy was I wrong; B) I was in the moment, game face on, ready to tear my opponent a new one…focusing on my arguments and such; C) I knew this would be on television, so I did all I could to fight back a surge of uncontrollable laughter that was quickly emerging from deep in my stomach; and D) I may have torn a muscle or two in my gut during said struggle, but the laughter was somehow suppressed…not the wry smile, however, which Easy Ed noticed and made reference to during a commercial break – He whispered, “I saw you trying not to laugh, and you should know that despite all evidence to the contrary, my courtroom is a serious place.” He then winked at me, and the rest, as they say, is history. I will miss his Honorable Ed Koch and my “slam dunk” victory.

A few noteworthy facts about His Honor:

1) Born in the Bronx to immigrant Polish Conservative Jews in 1924, he grew up in Newark, New Jersey

2) He was a decorated Army Sergeant who fought in the Battle of the Bulge

3) He began his political career as a very left wing liberal, opposing the war in Vietnam and marching in the South and in Washington during the Civil Rights Movement

4) In the wake of the Watergate scandal, during which he actually coined the phrase, “The Watergate Seven,” Koch began to lean more toward the right – so much so, in fact, that by his second campaign for mayor he ran on both Republican and Democratic platforms, and by his third campaign, abandoned both parties completely, running as an independent, though he was still included on the Democratic ticket

5) This shift toward the right played a key role, as after 8 years in Congress, he ran for NYC mayor in 1977 with a more conservative platform than his competitors, and his timing, in the face of the riots that engulfed the city following the blackouts (and Son of Sam’s reign of terror), was impeccable – He won largely due to his hard-line promise to restore public safety

6) His three terms as mayor were fraught with highs and lows, but his trademark sympathetic maxim, “How am I doing?” bolstered him to popularity

7) No matter what his ambiguous sexuality actually was, his primary failure during his first term was his failure to act in the face of the overwhelming AIDS epidemic that gripped NYC during the early 1980s – many authors and activists condemned his behavior, including Randy Shilts, who in And the Band Played On, his influential history of the early AIDS epidemic in America, discussed the possibility that Koch ignored the developing epidemic in New York City in 1982–1983 because he was afraid of lending credence to rumors of his homosexuality. (It should be known that In 1986, Mayor Koch signed a lesbian and gay rights ordinance for the city after the City Council passed the measure (on March 20), following several failed attempts by that body to approve such legislation)

8) He authored and co-authored nearly 20 books from 1980 through 2007, and in retirement started reviewing movies for a weekly web video segment entitled Mayor at the Movies, which was syndicated in the Huffington Post

9) Ed provoked and maintained an almost legendary feud with Jesse Jackson, which began during the primaries of the 1988 Presidential election. That race had seen Jackson surprising many as he challenged for the Democratic nomination. As the April New York primary approached, Koch reminded voters of Jackson’s alleged anti-Semitism and said that Jews would be “crazy” to vote for Jackson. It continued from there, and played a large role in Koch’s loss to David Dinkins in the 1989 mayoral primary

10) Koch often wrote in defense of Israel and, also, against anti-Semitism. He also appeared in the documentary FahrenHYPE 9/11 defending President Bush and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and blasting Michael Moore. Koch was quoted in the film saying of Moore’s film, Fahrenheit 9/11, “It’s not a documentary, it’s a lie.”

11) The very year he and I crossed paths, he penned my favorite quote when asked to comment on his actual sexual experiences, writing: “What do I care? I’m 73 years old. I find it fascinating that people are interested in my sex life at age 73. It’s rather complimentary! But as I say in my book, my answer to questions on this subject is simply ‘Fuck off.’ There have to be some private matters left.”

Edward Irving Koch, may you rest in peace.

IDROS

2 Comments

Filed under Current Events, Politics

Tagged as And The Band Played On, David Dinkins, Ed Koch, Farenheit 9/11, Jesse Jackson, Mayor, Michael Moore, New York City, Randy Shilts, The People's Court

January 26, 2013 · 3:21 pm

Are We All Cheaters? Thoughts on Lance, Manti, Beyoncé and the Human Race…

I will begin with a joke I discovered in a great article called “Why We Lie” in the Wall Street Journal (please read the whole article when you get a chance):

A man loses his bike (apropos, no?) outside his synagogue and goes to his rabbi for advice. “Next week come to services, sit in the front row,” the rabbi tells the man, “and when we recite the Ten Commandments, turn around and look at the people behind you. When we get to ‘Thou shalt not steal,’ see who can’t look you in the eyes. That’s your guy.” After the next service, the rabbi is curious to learn whether his advice panned out. “So, did it work?” he asks the man. “Like a charm,” the man answers. “The moment we got to ‘Thou shalt not commit adultery,’ I remembered where I left my bike.”

As Dan Ariely’s article explains, “what this little joke suggests is that simply being reminded of moral codes has a significant effect on how we view our own behavior.”

So I ask you all, given the biggest news stories of this week center around a big fat liar and a bigger, fatter cheater, how do the ridiculous Manti Te’o and Lance StrongArm stories affect how we view our own behavior?

From Sports Illustrated

Well?And lost in the lights of the Oprahtastic and Courician spectacles, it should also be noted that the first wave of Steroid enhanced baseball players were emphatically denied entry to Cooperstown last week by those with votes. For now, a generation of cheaters in MLB face at least some repercussions for their actions…though most perpetrators still made more money in their playing careers than the GDP of many third world nations.

And more recently, beloved Beyoncé apparently cheated too. While lip syncing is nothing new, it seems we all expect more from the likes of Mrs. Z.

It is said that “Cheaters never prosper.” Another classic adage is “You’re only cheating yourself.”

Seriously?

I mean, maybe if Emmett Fitz-Hume, Austin Millbarge and such caricatures are the basis for argument, I could be convinced. (It should be noted that though Fitz-Hume and Millbarge made out pretty well in the end despite their cheating, they were actually given a death sentence after being caught, and through sheer dumb luck and Hollywood scriptwriting, sidestepped every peril thrown their way).

From Warner Bros. Pictures

But taken at face value, those might just be the most ridiculous proverbs ever conceived. More ridiculous than Fitz-Hume’s cheating in and of itself.

Looking around our world, any non-naïve person quickly comes to a Dr. Gregory House conclusion that everybody lies…and quickly takes it a step further, because it is abundantly clear and glaringly obvious that EVERYBODY CHEATS. Cheating and lying go hand in hand. To successfully cheat, one must lie…from the very inception of a plan to cheat, until a cheater’s dying day. Not all liars cheat, but all cheaters lie. And the better the liar, the more diabolical and greater in scope the cheating can be.

But before cheaters make their lies public, they first must convince themselves that the act of cheating is ok…even justified…in their own eyes. In many cases, they must lie to themselves. This process is known as rationalization. There are many possible rationalizations for an act of cheating, from “it’s only a game,” and “everyone else is doing it, so why shouldn’t I?” to “It will cause a lot more [trouble; pain; shame; heartbreak; etc.] to [lose; fail; underperform; declare bankruptcy; etc.]” and “the potential rewards far outweigh the risk of getting caught.”

We all rationalize our actions and decisions, whether we cheat or not. And we do it every day. Here’s one of my favorite exchanges from the brilliant movie The Big Chill:

Michael Gold (Jeff Goldblum): I don’t know anyone who could get through the day without two or three juicy rationalizations. They’re more important than sex.

Sam Weber (Tom Berenger): Ah, come on. Nothing’s more important than sex.

Michael Gold: Oh yeah? Ever gone a week without a rationalization?

So we all lie. We all cheat. And we all rationalize these sins.

But what troubles me, and I am sure most of you out there, is the indisputable fact that cheaters DO prosper…all the time. And insodoing, cheaters rob others who play by the rules of everything from better grades (when curves are affected) to promotions at work (or getting a job at all), from winning a meaningless game or sporting event to making the roster of a professional team, from winning an election at any level to winning a Pulitzer prize, etc. Cheaters rob us of heroes and role models, of dignity, of motivation and in some cases, of everything we believe and believe in.

In other words, both proverbs quoted above seem to be flat wrong.

Ever since Jacob and Rebecca cheated Esau out of his blessing and birthright (and probably even before that), people have deceived and manipulated others for their own gain.

The most incredible part of this admittedly (and unfortunately) unsurprising fact are the depths people will sink to and the random and seemingly insignificant events and mundane activities in which regular Joes (and Josephines) have felt compelled to cheat. Consider the following, just for a taste (I wish I was making some of these up):

1) Recently, in an annual Scrabble Tournament held in Orlando that I assume a very small percentage of the population even know about, a player was caught hiding blank letter tiles (click here).

2) Pretty much ever since the invention of TNT, people have used the explosive to aid them in…wait for it…FISHING! Yup, it’s not enough to bring a rod, hook, bait and net to the ol’ fishin’ hole anymore…too difficult and time consuming (and boring, I guess). So let’s blow up the whole lake. Dead and dying fish will float up to the top, and these menaces to all that is sacred just scoop the floaters into their boat and fry up their bounty for supper (see also: deer and bird hunting with machine guns).

3) Difficult to even type this one: People cheat on paternity tests. And what’s worse, there are articles and websites that describe why and how people do it, like this one.

4) People cheat when playing video games, often times even skirting fair play in games they play alone. This is not a new phenomenon…it has been going on since the days of Mike Tyson’s Punch Out and Super Mario Brothers. But this article still brings this odd behavior to light.

5) People cheat in animal show competitions, as seen here. (Yes, you read that right).

6) A calamity we are all aware of, but still must be reiterated for its sheer SMH power: People cheat the welfare system (and various other government agencies), like this example.

7) And this list of jaw-dropping attempts at cheating from the world of sport…some of which even “worked.”

There are countless other examples. Cheating is ubiquitous, and we are all immersed into our society of cheaters at a very young age.

As our innocence disappears, and the veil is lifted from our childhood naiveté, we notice that despite everything our parents told us (if we were even fortunate enough to have caring, loving parents in the first place who imparted such nuggets of wisdom upon us), people cheat, and what’s worse, people benefit from cheating.

We learn it in school, when we see people looking at their classmates’ test papers and “stealing” their answers. We learn it at recess and at home playing games like hide and seek, when we notice the person deemed “it” to peek through their spread fingers and watch where the hiders seek cover. And we certainly learn it on television and in movies, where characters such as Bart Simpson regularly cheat and lie. Even on the occasions where such characters are caught, the punishments levied are generally more comical than fear-inducing. Furthermore, the never aging Peter Pan blessing creators of shows like the Simpsons bestow upon their characters allow the writers to continue to rehash these questionable behavior choices over and over again with impunity.

(Please read this article regarding the cheating epidemic facing private schools)

Children watching and emulating these flawed characters undoubtedly believe such behavior choices are anywhere from virtually inconsequential to at worst, “don’t have a cow, dude,” on the grander spectrum of “I should definitely try that” to “there is no way I am risking that.”

And what’s worse, parents often put so much pressure on their children that cheating becomes, at least in the child’s eyes, the only option…or at least the best option. Far too often, parents foster the cheating mentality themselves by doing the work for their children and allowing the kids to take credit for it.

Our other role models and heroes (besides our parents) cheat too, and their morally ambiguous (read: reprehensible) behaviors are widely publicized throughout the media. Worse still, more often than not (sorry Milli Vanilli), even when caught, the ramifications for cheating sports figures, business leaders, politicians, rock and pop stars and other celebrities seem to be no more than a perfunctory slap on the wrist accompanied by a brief public relations nightmare (which is almost always expertly handled by highly professional teams of PR reps).

It is not surprising, in a world where cheating is so commonplace, that companies have also adopted the practice. After all, companies are people too…er…I mean, they are comprised of and run by people. Yup, we are swindled, misled and generally duped every day by Corporate Planet Earth (not just America, to be fair), with practices such as side-stepping environmental regulations; false advertising; and, out-and-out lies regarding weights and measures found inside product packaging as well as benefits and possible side affects of certain products.

Of course this has been going on for years. But the audacity of corporations coupled with the regulatory bodies’ inability to counter with any kind of credible and lasting counter-policies never ceases to amaze. A clear trend has emerged: Regulatory agencies in any sphere will never be able to fully control their respective sectors and prevent cheating because they are and always will be vastly under-funded AND those who cheat will always remain a step ahead of those trying to prevent cheating.

Why? You may be tempted to ask. Well it’s quite simple, really. The answer, as always, comes down to MONEY. And there is a great deal of it in the cheating game, in case you haven’t noticed.

So why do elementary school children cheat when playing games like Hide and Seek? No money changes hands there, you may argue. Well the truth is, nobody wants to be IT on the playground just like nobody wants to be POOR in life. Everything is relative. Young people are not ruled by monetary paradigms, so they trade (and therefore cheat) on the currency that rules their lives – self esteem. Kids believe that “winning” games, or at least demonstrating more athletic and strategic prowess on the playground than their peers, makes them cooler and more likeable. And being popular is really what any child wants. Further, kids begin to cheat in the classroom at a young age to impress and win the favor (and love) of their parents. Again, this behavior is motivated by self-esteem reasons.

And adults continue these behaviors they first learned during their youth. The only difference is adults realize their world is governed by money, and so financial motivations dominate their behaviors. It should not be a surprise though, that in our world, money (and its corresponding increase in perceived social status) buys people…wait for it…SELF ESTEEM (yup, all of us adults are just larger kids on that playground). At least people believe money can buy self-esteem.

So back to our opening joke, the Rabbi, the stolen bike and the adulterer. If simply being reminded of moral codes has a significant effect on how we view our own behavior, witnessing the likes of Lance StrongArm humiliated on Oprah (like James Frey and countless others before him), Barry Bonds (and his peers) voted out of the Hall of Fame (at least for now), Carlos Mencia blackballed by the entire comedy industry, and Beyoncé’s image taking a hit for pre-recording our national anthem at BO’s inauguration certainly registers with the rest of us for a number of reasons.

Since we all cheat, these very public shamings make us all take a closer look at ourselves, even subconsciously, for a brief moment and acknowledge our own transgressions with rules and laws…we all recognize the behavior and our own proclivities to bend the rules…and none of us like this recognition. Perhaps that is why we get so angry when others cheat…and particularly when others benefit from said cheating.

And so we then rationalize our own behavior IN COMPARISON to our fallen heroes and celebrity scapegoats. Seeing them writhe in the nets of public opinion, losing respect, honor, glory, money and in some cases, everything, makes us feel superior to these once-respected (even worshipped) personalities, if even for a moment, as we all think to ourselves that we “would never have cheated if we were in that same position” in our best “holier than thou” internal voices.

But would we have? Can we be so sure?

What are your thoughts?

Thanks for reading,

IDROS

2 Comments

Filed under Current Events, Philosophy

Tagged as Barry Bonds, Beyoncé, Carlos Mencia, Cheating, Dr. Greg House, Fraud, James Frey, Katie Couric, Lance Armstrong, Lies, Manti Te'o, Milli Vanilli, Oprah, Spies Like Us, The Big Chill, The Simpsons

December 20, 2012 · 8:15 pm

We Don’t Need Guns To Win This Fight…Part Two

From The Washington Times

Please click here for Part One of my long but necessary opinion piece about gun control. And here for an amazing article by Garry Wills on our society’ sickening worship of the gun.

So where was I? Oh yeah, guns are bad…

Since the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary (actually, since the tragedy at Columbine High), I have been deeply saddened, angered, repulsed and generally frustrated by arguments I have heard, read and witnessed from the other side of the barrel (pun intended). Some of the head-scratching rhetoric has been directly directed at my own commentary, while a great deal more has addressed other posts on social media sites as well as opinion pieces, essays, pleas and interview answers among countless other media outlets.

Most of the hot air pro-gun honks blow is worthy of nothing more than this classic gem:

But there are some decent common arguments I have read/heard, worthy of a response. I have listed a few of these in bold type below, with a rational rebuttal below it. I am really trying here, because there are lives at stake. And if last Friday is any indication, innocent, young lives at that. I now have a baby girl. I am quite sure all of you with children had a very difficult time dropping your loved ones off at school this past Monday morning (and all mornings after that), if you were even able to muster the strength at all. This madness will, unfortunately, never fully cease, but we can definitely save lives. Even if we save one precious life through our efforts, it will be worth it.

So please read my rebuttals, and agree that it is time to change. There is no way to know if these proposed changes will be better than the current system of anarchy unless we try. But I suspect they will be. And they really can’t make our current state of blood-bath tinged affairs any worse, right?

So please do what you can to help. We need to rise up and protect our children. We need to protect our country. And we need to protect our fellow man. Pro-gun types will argue, “That’s our point.” Well please read below to see OUR logic:

Our Second Amendment rights: Any argument clinging to our Constitution and the Second Amendment is farcical at best. Written nearly 250 years ago, the language and spirit of the Amendment has no relevance or place in today’s society. A) The amendment itself is just that, a change to the original reflecting the dire need, in the time it was written, to allow citizens to bear arms as part of a regulated militia that would combat those attempting to exploit and exert their unwanted will upon the citizens of the USA; B) There is precedent allowing for Constitutional Amendments to be reedited out, just as Prohibition was 80 years ago; C) The times dictate the need for a change to the Second Amendment and its interpretation, as well as the resources and infrastructure dedicated to enforcing the changes made.

As an aside, one potential solution to consider might just be to REINFORCE the language of the Second Amendment, requiring all who would like to bear arms to be required to enlist in the armed forces, where they can get the necessary safety and responsibility training of using a deadly weapon. However, military experience often leads to mental trauma later on in life, so this fix might actually necessitate further action (*see below regarding my plan).

We will basically be arming criminals, and disarming innocent people trying to defend themselves: First of all, I am a realist. As much as I would love guns to be completely outlawed and made illegal, I do not believe this is a viable or practical option. For one thing, there are like 300 million guns out there in the general population of our country, and collecting each and every one of them would be impossible, not to mention extremely dangerous. So what I am proposing is far more stringent GUN CONTROL. My plan follows:

Ban all automatic and semi-automatic weapons, military grade armor and all other assault weapons. Effort to seize, collect and destroy all of these types of weapons already in circulation (this may be difficult and dangerous, but would be worthwhile).

Make it extremely difficult to procure guns going forward: Require written and practical tests, just like with drivers licenses, continuing education, and quality mental health screening up front as well as every three or five years of gun ownership. Require criminal background checks as well as multiple (two or three) character witnesses, notarized, that will basically vouch for the applicant.

*For military personnel returning to civilian life after deployment, require more rigorous mental health screenings up front (consider their return like you would the average driver exiting a freeway. One’s propensity to speed is far greater immediately following an extended period of driving fast…plus, my guess is that the battlefield causes more stress and mental anguish than our highways…just a little more, but more nonetheless). Also, require more frequent screenings (PTSD and other military psychological trauma can lie dormant, like an inactive volcano, until one day…well go visit Pompeii, or read about it).

For athletes and any other professionals who might suffer head trauma on the job, during practice or while training, require the same rigorous and frequent mental health screening as for military personnel throughout their careers as well as after.

Limit the number of guns one person can purchase to one in a three or five year period.

Make serial numbers more permanent.

Account for guns more closely, adding resources to Homeland Security and ATF to do so.

Possibly place GPS tracking capabilities of some type on guns.

And finally, require guns to be manufactured with some kind of password protection or fingerprint activation so that only the licensed gun owner can use said gun (this is obviously to prevent the type of atrocity that occurred in Newtown, where the murder weapons were registered to the mother, but her son “stole” them and used them for unspeakable evil).

If people had guns at the school (or theater, or mall), these tragic events would never have happened, or at least fewer people would have been killed/shot: Variations of this argument are as ubiquitous as awful reality television, and it frightens me to no end believing that proliferation of firearms on our streets and in public places such as schools, malls, movie theaters and amusement parks will create a Cold War-like stalemate that will actually make our world safer. First off, have you ever driven on a public road, or in a parking lot? People are irritable, and honk, cuss and irrationally cut people off all the time. Are these the people you want carrying deadly weapons around 24/7? Second, I do not want teachers and school officials carrying loaded weapons in my child’s school. How do we know we can trust those people and their general mental well-being? How do we know they would act responsibly and safely under duress? And what if they were unable to control their own students, and lost control of the weapon, or had it stolen, and then the students had a loaded weapon in your child’s school? But most important to this ridiculous premise is the safety of our own police and security personnel already in place. How on earth will police who arrive to a scene where a gunman, or multiple gunmen are at large, differentiate between the “bad guys” and the “good guys?” I foresee an incredible number of accidental gunshot wounds and deaths resulting from this vigilante approach.

What if the killer uses a bomb? This argument is certainly germane to our times, and is worthy of concern. However, it has nothing at all to do with the gun control debate. Whether people are armed with guns or not, if terrorists or crazy kids (possibly synonymous) plant a bomb somewhere, no amount of guns are going to stop them. And the same holds true for suicide bombers. Police don’t shoot terrorists with bombs strapped to their chests for a reason: they can still detonate the bomb even if shot, and the act of shooting might actually detonate the bomb on its own.

I don’t trust the majority of my fellow Americans. How can I be sure I won’t run into a psychopath out there? I need my gun(s) to protect myself and my family from everyone, because it seems like anyone, anywhere could be a mass murderer. This is the most hypocritical argument of the bunch. Are we supposed to trust our own children to go play at a friend’s house now? How can we trust NRA members? What if YOUR kid finds YOUR gun while OUR kid is at your home? What if someone gets shot accidentally? I find it totally unacceptable to put even your kids at risk in that scenario, let alone mine, and other innocent children of anti-gun parents. This isn’t a Dirty Harry movie, or Dexter. This is real life, and the more guns out there, the more people trying to be a hero, the bloodier and scarier our society becomes.

If somebody wants to kill people/themselves, they can do it, with or without guns: I heard this argument a great deal following the tragedy in Kansas City as few weeks back, when NFLer Belcher shot his baby mama 9 times and then killed himself in front of his coaches at Arrowhead. And I agree. But I guarantee said person would kill a lot fewer people in the same amount of time, and more importantly, there is a far greater chance of surviving a knifing, a beating or a strangulation, as morbid as that may sound, than a gunshot or NINE. There is also the personal angle some psychiatrists have argued, i.e. using a gun is very impersonal, whereas knives, bare hands and strangulation are very personal murder techniques. This may just give an attempted murderer the time to think/feel a connection and stop him or herself in the act. Unlikely, but possible.

And speaking of the tragedy in KC, many people were quick to criticize Bob Costas for using a national spotlight at a sporting event to wax political (calling for stricter gun control), saying it was neither the time nor place. Well clearly, a mere two weeks before the tragedy in Newtown, it was as good a time and place as any. How dare anyone tell a hardworking man like Bob Costas, who has earned the right to talk to us in our living rooms each week, what he can and cannot talk about. Furthermore, on the heels of yet another senseless murder with a gun, when is a more appropriate time to speak out? Is Kasandra Perkins’ life not as precious as any other victim of gun violence? Is her three month old son, who will now grow up without his mother and father, no less a champion for change than any of the children in Newtown, or Aurora, or Columbine?

For another sports figure using his own limited celebrity to speak out on the issue, unsolicited, but beautifully, please click here. Winthrop Coach Pat Kelsey’s speech is a must listen sound bite for all.

If people really want guns, they will get guns anyway they can, even through illegal means. Look at narcotics as an example: There is no way to prevent this. As I already mentioned, there are nearly 300 million guns already out there in America (and many, many more the world over). Criminals will produce and trade guns in any type of regulated environment, and any tightening of the law will only make their product that much more valuable. BUT – making it more difficult to get guns, coupled with better regulation and expanded resources to track and enforce gun control will definitely deter some, delay some and overall, will reduce gun traffic. Remember, nothing will perfectly eliminate gun murder. But if we can reduce the body count at all, it is a win.

Murder is actually a fraction of what it was, per capita, today vs. in the 1980s: That might be true on an overall basis, but reading Malcolm Gladwell and understanding demographic trends, the crack cocaine phenomenon, better police strategies as well as the effects of Roe vs. Wade explains a big portion of that discrepancy. But this argument is completely made irrelevant when considering the alarming increase in the frequency of MASS gun murder. A rare event in the 1980s, there have been 31 mass murders since 1999 in the US. More stringent gun control can help.

Guns kill people like spoons make people fat: Variations of this gem abound (Guns don’t kill people, people do). And you know what? It’s difficult to argue. But there is no doubt that guns are lethal weapons, killing machines, designed with one primary use – to fire a compact metal object really fast at a target in the hopes of killing, or at least incapacitating said target. Spoons were not designed to make people gain weight, just as a means to convey liquids and loose foods from plate/bowl to mouth. So a disconnect in the logic of this argument stems right from the design table, from the very origins of both utensils. And furthermore, as my cousin astutely reasoned, if you look around at all the overweight among us, it becomes even more apparent that if even a fraction of as many people abused guns as do spoons, we likely have a serious problem on our hands. And we do.

What will we do if our government abuses its power, our military goes rogue or if a tyrannical despot seizes power? Let’s face it. If Orwellian times descend upon us, or even if anarchy runs amok in the US, there is no armory of guns the collective sum of us can have that will render us safe. Our government and military have a stockpile of weapons capable of blowing up the entire solar system, even assuming Pluto is still part of it. Our military has advanced technology, WMDs of varying types, planes, tanks, submarines, boats, choppers and trained personnel. Our Second Amendment rights are not protecting us from evil or tyrannical government anymore. Rambo is fictitious. So are Colonel John Matrix and Robert Clayton Dean. This is yet another reason that Amendment needs to be redacted, or at least, rethought and re-amended.

There are many more arguments and logical rebuttals to appeal to the educated pro-gun, NRA types out there. Unfortunately, reason and logic will be wasted on the frightening segment of that populace that continues to bewilder with comments like “you are gonna have to pry my gun out of my cold dead hand you liberal scum.”

To reiterate: Please help change our nation. Please help save lives. Contact your congressman here.

Or sign a petition here or here.

Thanks again for bearing with me (and not bearing arms).

Have a Merry Christmas and a happy, healthy and safe new year.

IDROS

This two part passion piece was paid, in full, by the blood of:

Abraham Lincoln, William McKinley, James Garfield, Archduke Franz Ferdinand, Mahatma Gandhi, John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King Jr., John Lennon, Sam Cooke, Bill Brady, Robert F. Kennedy, Harvey Milk, Marvin Gaye, Phil Hartman, Jam Master Jay, Malcolm X, Selena, Sean Taylor, Gianni Versace, Darrent Williams, Peter Tosh, Notorious B.I.G., Tupac Shakur, Ol’ Dirty Bastard, the victims of Columbine High, Virginia Tech, Red Lake High, the Tuscon Safeway, the Aurora Movie Theater, the Wisconsin Sikh Temple, Newtown Elementary School, every other site of a mass shooting, and thousands more non-celebrity, non-publicized (or publicized on a very limited, local basis) names every year.

And partially by: Teddy Roosevelt, Pope John Paul II, George Wallace, Ronald Reagan, Bob Marley, Larry Flynt, Andy Warhol, Jackie Wilson, 50 Cent, Suge Knight, Greg LeMond, Garrett Morris and millions more.

1 Comment

Filed under Current Events, Politics

Tagged as Columbine, Garry Wills, Gun Control, Gun Lobby, Mass Murder, Newtown, Our Moloch, Sandy Hook Elementary School, the NRA, The Second Amendment

December 20, 2012 · 7:10 pm

We Don’t Need Guns To Win This Fight…Part One

From The Washington Times

My heart is crying. I am at a loss for words, as many of you are.

First and foremost, I would like to extend my condolences, thoughts and prayers to the families of those that were senselessly murdered in Newtown, Connecticut, as well as those who must now live with the horror of the events that transpired last Friday morning. For 20 families (27, actually), it likely feels like the Mayan End of Days was real after all…it just came one week sooner than expected.

I do not like to get up on a soapbox.

Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time this year that I have felt this anguish, this befuddlement, this frustration.

31 times since Columbine, we as a society have been left scratching our heads, searching our souls, uttering words of disbelief, crying, screaming and demanding changes.

What happened in Newtown this past week was all the more tragic, having transpired on what we as a society view as sacred ground (an Elementary School) and because the fatalities were primarily children…very young and innocent children. And because it was the second such tragedy befalling our society in one week’s time. But mostly because of the children.

Things can’t go on this way.

Each time a mass-murder involving guns occurs on American soil, our country sinks further into the bowels of a horrific, frightening and polarizing debate regarding Gun Control. Even a tragic murder suicide involving an NFL player less than a month ago sparked this same debate.

And with every instance, much to my dismay, time passes, the passion for change seems to ebb, and society returns to business as usual, guns a-blazing, holsters full, ammo at the ready…as if nothing ever happened.

I can no longer sit quietly and watch these massacres continue without making an appeal to the sensibilities of anyone out there who feels guns are not part of the problem. I would even like to address those that are willing to concede that point, but are still compelled to believe their Second Amendment rights are more important, in the long run, than allowing our government to make more stringent gun laws that might make it incredibly difficult to buy a gun, and potentially even make it illegal to own a gun.

No matter what people think the Second Amendment says, or how literal they believe those words to be, even today, when we are not living in fear of an army sent by a far-away king attempting to exert control over us by any means necessary. Just like living in America as a full citizen, gun ownership is not a “right.” It never was. Gun ownership is a PRIVILEGE. And with any privilege comes great responsibility. Somewhere along the way, this was forgotten. Somewhere along the way, our nation’s leaders failed to reinforce this fact. Somewhere along the way, guns became something we as a society took for granted, that we viewed as an American rite of passage, a commodity as common as gasoline and as easy to buy and sell, too. Our machismo as a nation depended on the ubiquity of firearms. As we pushed westward, we feared attacks by Native Americans…and we massacred them with our fire sticks. And as we laid claim to vast pieces of land, valuable minerals and natural resources, we took up arms again to protect our homesteads, our livelihoods and our families. Potential robbers, vandals and no-goodniks came to fear guns wielded by upstanding citizens and the law. Or at the very least, respect them. Soon the gun became the de facto law.

Our neighborhoods were secure, replete with gun-carrying watchmen. Our banks and stores were robbery proof with a gun behind the counter. We taught our sons to hunt and to shoot a gun. Women, fearing rape and abuse, flocked to gun ranges to cling to some semblance of security.

I, for my part, am certainly willing to concede that guns are not solely to blame here. We can all point our fingers at a number of things that contribute to this unsettling trend of bloodshed our generation is currently witnessing. Mental Health issues are a big one, and this includes the resources dedicated to research, community outreach, treatment and the de-stigmatization of mental illness in general in our society. Our media is another perpetrator that deserves some of the blame. Godless and evil killers seem to be glorified by our media after each atrocity, and these soulless people are too often given far more attention than the victims and the heroes that try to stop them. Part of this is our own societal issues, as humans find the unknown, the evil, the bizarre and the misunderstood to be far more compelling than those who are normal, law-abiding, regular Joes and Josephines. Furthermore, other media outlets, such as the movie, television and video game industries create and release a never-ending pile of violence-centric content on the public. Other fingers point at Big-Pharma, and our propensity to over medicate our youth with chemicals and band-aids to mask real problems. And then there are those that blame current parenting techniques, our education system, our diets (which trend toward processed, genetically altered foodstuffs) and our technology (electronics and the internet create a world far less dependent on personal contact and intimacy).

Any and all of the above factors need to be addressed, and very well might be (read: ARE) contributing to a growing epidemic of mass-murder. But there is one factor that seems to be the giant elephant in the room after almost every catastrophic and heart-wrenching breaking news story: GUNS.

This latest tragedy in Newtown has restirred the pot, bringing the gun control debate, and its associated vitriol, to the forefront of national conversation. This time, we cannot let the passage of time once again mask, or at least assuage the passion of those in favor of more stringent gun control. There are too many innocent souls who have paid the ultimate price for us to continue to kowtow to the NRA, to the Second Amendment hardliners and to the general gun-toting populace that refuses to yield on this issue.

Please note that for nearly 250 years, we have endured the Second Amendment. But the frightening and deadly interpretation of that Amendment has only emerged over the past 35 years (please read this article for the gory details).

This coincided, unsurprisingly, with the rise of the NRA. Well, Charlton “Moses” Heston (RIP) and your terrifying army of stubborn gun wielders: we tried it your way…the NRA’s way. And we gave it a go for far too long. I saw that the NRA finally commented on the Newtown tragedy, saying “[We are] prepared to offer meaningful contributions to help make sure this never happens again.” That quote was totally fear-induced. There is no way for them to make such an insipid promise. But they know the tides are turning, and want to appeal to the “undecided” in this debate with a last gasp of strength and bravado. Here’s the thing…every argument made by pro-gun honks and NRA supporters hinges on hypothetical, unsound, unproven, flawed logic. There is no evidence, no sample size, not one fact to support their arguments. Just guesses and rhetoric and hubris. And why? Because we haven’t had a chance to see how things work in an American society highly regulated for firearms.

Since the Newtown massacre, I have been trying to rally the troops, to lead an intelligent dialogue for change. I have become, apparently, an accidental activist for gun control (I couldn’t make this up if I tried…there is actually a term for this phenomenon, and I am glad I am not alone in my efforts.)

So I am asking you all to consider acting as well. Even if you are on the fence, educate yourselves. Please don’t allow the children in Newtown to have died in vain. Please do whatever you can to help prevent further atrocities in the future. Our efforts may not completely eliminate senseless murders, but if even one or two lives can be spared, it will be worth it.

Please do something. Because doing nothing is just what the gun lobby and the NRA are hoping for. They sense weakness, and will use their vast resources and influence to counteract any measures from their opposition…unless said opposition can rise up, unified, in numbers pro-gunners have never seen or imagined before. We have them on the ropes. It’s like Mike Tyson’s Punch Out, and the NRA is King Hippo (rather apt, no?)…the fat slob’s mouth is now agape, fist in the air, cocked to punch us…and Newtown was the stunning uppercut to Hippo’s face. Now we must land a flurry of body blows and know the bully out. For good.

From Nintendo

So contact your congressman here.Or sign a petition here, or here.

Oh, and shame on you Wal-Mart. Please read this article, and consider boycotting that big box empire too. And Alice Walton, you might consider decorating at least one bare wall of your Crystal Bridges Art Museum in Bentonville, Arkansas with the blood of every victim murdered by assault weapons purchased at your stores.

Thanks for reading. The second installment of this post will be forthcoming. I appreciate your patience and understanding of my verbosity, which admittedly is even more voluminous than usual. But this issue is extremely important and incredibly polarizing (apologies to Jonathan Safran Foer), and my passion for change is equally great.

IDROS

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Filed under Current Events, Politics

Tagged as Gun Control, Kansas City Chiefs, Mike Tyson's Punchout, Newtown, NFL, NRA, Sandy Hook Elementary School, The Second Amendment

December 11, 2012 · 3:28 pm

This Is 50…And Counting…Happy Golden Anniversary To Mick, Keef And The Rolling Stones

From Rolling Stone Magazine

Lezbeonest. I don’t care what it is (or who, for that matter). Doing it (or him or her) for 50 years…in a row…is worthy of significant celebration. It is a rare feat, celebrating a 50^th anniversary of any kind. And the half century the Rolling Stones have endured and bestowed upon us is no exception. In fact, it borders on incredible…the stuff of myth. I mean, the band had to overcome the incarceration of its two primary songwriters (in 1967, Mick and Keith were jailed for drug possession and shortly thereafter were released on bail), the “firing” and subsequent death (by drowning but due to drug abuse) of a founding member and close friend (Brian Jones), the resignation of another band mate and talented guitarist (Mick Taylor), the ubiquitous shadow of the Beatles the Stones were relegated to live in (the band was basically labeled the “evil” or dark yang to the Beatles light, angelic yin and were viewed as ruffians parents should never let their daughters date, a characterization these well-schooled middle class musicians took a few years to fully embrace), the unfortunate and horrifying experience that was Altamont (where unruly, drunk and drugged up Hell’s Angels provided “security” (read: incited a riot) while a fan was murdered by throngs of out of control concert-goers and the band feared for their own lives), a self exile to the South of France for financial reasons (mostly exorbitant back taxes owed), a massive heroin problem that enveloped some members of the band (notably Keith) as well as many important crew members, and finally, the imprisonment in Canada of Keith for heroin possession (he faced a lifetime sentence, but was released upon a vow to go straight)…and that was all in the first 15 years of the band’s existence. The subsequent 35 years were similarly rife with highs and lows, the worst of it stemming from a tumultuous and deteriorating relationship between Richards and Jagger, the de facto leaders of the band.

And yet here they are, fifty years later…mostly intact, and somehow still churning out the best soundtrack you are likely ever to hear at a Golden Anniversary party (not that there’s anything wrong with a one-man band’s rendition of In The Mood, The Way We Were, Unforgettable, I’ve Got The World On A String or any of Frank Sinatra’s great love ballads). So in anticipation of the American leg of the Stones 50 & Counting mini-tour, which will culminate with a Pay Per View-streamed performance on Saturday, December 15 at the Prudential Center in Newark, New Jersey, I felt it was high time to give the original bad boys of rock and roll their due. Having already dedicated a post to that other mega-success story of a band from England, the timing couldn’t be better to roll out the red carpet, and fittingly paint it black, for the only other band in history besides the Beatles that arguably deserves its own wing in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Sure, scoff all you want. Insert a joke or two here under your breath regarding said wing that evokes images of a nursing home…the wing should be in Florida; its snack bar should offer an early bird special; hope there’s round the clock medical staff on call. Blah, blah, blah. If you could throw down on stage like the Stones at any age, you would, and you know it.

While I agree that the Stones are old (arguing this fact would be as foolish as arguing that water is not wet), the band’s two stalwarts, both nearly 70 years of age, continue to defy the odds. Mick, who inspired a song regarding his moves, has the energy of a man fifty years his junior, and the waistline of an anorexic supermodel. And Keith…what can I say? What can anyone say really? He is a medical marvel that continues to mystify… with blatant disregard for logic and the laws of science. (To get a taste, I do recommend his autobiography, Life, if you haven’t yet read it.) So perhaps it isn’t such a conundrum that these relics continue to bring it while on stage.

So in honor of the centuries of combined rock experience that is the Rolling Stones, I felt a list was in order. Lists are great because they demand thought, from both the writer and reader(s). There is always room for debate, particularly in a good, well-reasoned list, but generally the conversation is lively and worthwhile. And that is why we’re here, right? At least it’s why I’m here. Tapping on the keys like Thelonius Monk in the wee hours of the morning, eyes bloodshot, head pounding, but thoughts racing…ahh. And the Stones are incredibly list-worthy. Exile on Main Street could be its own list. So could Let It Bleed. So in the spirit, of Rob Gordon from High Fidelity, from whom music-themed lists seemed to flow like cheap beer at a frat party, we begin.

My top ten Stones tunes of all time (at least for today):

10) I had a hell of a time choosing among Miss You, Emotional Rescue and Salt Of The Earth, but for the sake of a clean list, I am going with Emotional Rescue. Perhaps my list would be different on any other day. I dig the disco influence. And the tune is catchy as hell. This is not your typical Stones song, but that doesn’t make it a bad song.

9) Sweet Virginia. Raw, gritty and heartfelt. This will not be the lone gem from Exile to crack my top ten, but a great tune in its own right.

8) As Tears Go By. An oldie but goodie. Penned by the Jagger/Richards dynamic duo, this classic was first recorded and released by Marianne Faithful in 1964, and then by the Stones a year later. Just a beautiful song, emotional and powerful despite the restraint that was a trademark of that era. I would put this tune up against almost any from the mid-60s, and it holds up well, even today.

7) Loving Cup. Just give me little drink. Please.

6) Shine A Light. Wow. Just Wow. Maybe this one should be higher on the list (probably), but the bottom line is, it needs to be on the list. Such a powerful message. Marty Scorsese named his 2008 Stones documentary after this tune, and we all know what Marty thinks of the Stones.

5) Gimme Shelter. That creaky floorboard percussion effect is eerie as hell. And speaking of Marty Scorsese, we all must thank him for recognizing the genius in the Stones in this tune, and for marrying its theme to your own particular genius (Scorsese used this song in 3 of his films…thus far). Violence and war is everywhere; not just on the battlefield, but on the mean streets of every city across the world.

4) You Can’t Always Get What You Want. Can’t help but think of The Big Chill opening here, but the message is clear and pure, and the melody is perfection personified. Interestingly, it seems Brett Morgen, the director of the most recent Stones documentary, Crossfire Hurricane, drew inspiration from Lawrence Kasdan as he used this song during his own post-death funeral procession music to honor Brian Jones’ passing.

3) Sympathy For The Devil. Perfection in capturing and breathing life into a theme by overlaying incredible lyrics on transcendent music. Timeless.

2) Waiting On A Friend. Profound emotional ballad capturing man’s need for companionship after his wild oats have been sown.

1) Can’t You Hear Me Knockin’? Here’s the thing…I love music. And even before this tune kicked off the great mini-mix on my iPod shuffle that ushered in the greatest day of my life, it would have topped this list. The meaning behind the song is murky, like the drug-addled paranoia some of the lyrics evoke. But if your ears could smile, this song could have that effect on them, from start to finish. The jam toward the end of that track is so incredible it has moved me to tears on numerous occasions. Everything was clicking there, from Keys’ blistering sax solo to Richards’ guitar. And then Mick Taylor steals the show with a completely improvised virtuoso performance lasting nearly 4 minutes to end the song. There are hints and influences of numerous other great musicians and musical genres intertwined in the rich, mellifluous orgy of musical delights. To quote Richards, “the band’s music was influenced by everyone from Mozart to Marley.” That is clearly evident in this song alone, a virtual microcosm of the Rolling Stones vast and impressive oeuvre. And make no mistake, Charlie gets the last “word,” which is quite fitting for a tune titled “Can’t You Hear Me Knockin’?”

So that’s my list. Hope nobody was offended by my selections. I would love to hear some of yours, so feel free to share below.

As always, thanks for reading.

Happy holidays,

IDROS

Oh, and for another blogger’s take on the same subject matter, feel free to click here.

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Filed under Entertainment, Music

Tagged as 50th Anniversary, Altamont, Brian Jones, Crossfire Hurricane, Exile On Main Street, Keith Richards, Let It Bleed, Lists, Martin Scorsese, Mick Jagger, Mick Taylor, Shine A Light, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Top 10 Rolling Stones Songs

November 16, 2012 · 4:46 pm

Upon The Birth Of My Daughter

Many people have requested a blog entry commemorating the birth of my daughter, Zana Maya. I have no intention of depriving my readers of their every wish, plus, I really can’t think about anything else right now. So it’s clearly a win win.

Since the moment Zana was born, here are some of the thoughts swirling through my sleep-deprived and ecstatic mind:

1) Getting to this point was not easy (mentally, physically, financially or in any other conceivable way), but it was incredibly above and beyond worth it;

2) No matter whether you have a boy or girl, as long as it is a healthy baby, the surprise is amazing, mind-blowing and like nothing else I have ever experienced;

3) I keep circling back to my favorite scene in My Blue Heaven, when Steve Martin says in his awful Italian accent, “You know, it’s dangerous for you to be here in the frozen food section.” The target of his charming admonishment, Shaldeen, replies, “why is that?” To which Steve quickly replies, “Because you could melt all this stuff.” Well over the course of the past four days, my daughter has melted my heart and everything else in my body over and over again. When the doctor first showed her to me, when her little footprints were inked onto her records and into her baby book, when her little hand first wrapped around my index finger with a tighter than expected little grip, when she first opened her little eyes and mouth, when she stretched for the first time, her first little noise…even her first cry (though that got old pretty quickly);

4) Thankfully, I enjoy the color pink. I am no Andy Walsh, mind you. But pink is alright with the Floyd, and it’s alright with me too;

5) 9-10 months is a decent amount of time to mentally prepare yourself for the fact that you are having a child, but not nearly enough time to actually get ready;

6) I am quite certain that the speed of the average car leaving every hospital with a newborn child on board is at least 10 miles per hour slower than the posted speed limit for the entire drive home;

7) Thank the effing lord I am not Chinese, cause those A-hole commie bastards would never have let me keep my precious daughter…I can’t even imagine what that must be like for those 50 per centers…and what is really mind-numbing is the shear numbers: there are like 4 times as many Chinese 50 per centers as Americans Mitt claimed not to care about;

8) I cannot wait for my first father-daughter dance;

9) I can’t help but wonder if my daughter will end up in a binder of some sort (sorry to get a tad political, but I couldn’t resist);

10) When your wife has a Caesarian section, you “miss out” on the entire birthing chapter known as labor, popularized in movies and television throughout the years as a prolonged, frightening, painful, loud, often drug-addled experience. I am not sure whether we would have had a similar experience had our daughter not been breech, but I do know we were preparing to go au natural and had been taking hypno-birthing classes. Then again, our experience added plenty of more credence to the old adage, “if you want to make god laugh, make a plan.”

11) If I had to choose, my favorite cinematic depiction of birth probably comes from She’s Having A Baby, primarily due to Kate Bush’s “This Woman’s Work” tugging at your heartstrings throughout the ordeal;

12) With my wife in surgery during the birth of our first child, I can honestly say that I have never feared more for the general well-being of two people simultaneously than I did this past Monday. It was truly gut-wrenching, and I feel blessed that everyone emerged healthy and safe;

13) I am incredibly lucky to have not only my amazing family, but my wife’s as well, to assist us and support us during this special time. Everyone has been great, and I am glad we could all share this experience together;

14) Amazingly, those that shared in Zana’s birth were all first-born children…including Zana. My wife and I, all four of our parents as well as my grandmother are the oldest children in our respective families (this is sort of like a factoid that may interest only me, for those that read Peter King’s MMQ column);

15) I am already so excited for next Halloween;

16) How friggin’ cute is that punim?

17) I absolutely believe my daughter is a giant extended middle finger to Adolf Hitler and the Third Reich;

18) I can’t wait for all of you to meet our new princess.

Yup, I had to go 18 for Chai…and no, not the tea.

Love and warm wishes for a wonderful Thanksgiving to all of you and your families.

We certainly have a great deal more to be thankful about in our home this year.

Thanks for reading,

IDROS

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Filed under Family

Tagged as Birth, China, Kate Bush, Mitt Romney, My Blue Heaven, Pretty In Pink, She's Having A Baby, Steve Martin, This Woman's Work

October 31, 2012 · 12:39 pm

Happy Halloween

Wishing you all a happy, healthy and safe night of candy, costumes and community.

Happy Halloween to everyone outside of New Jersey. For those in the flooded Garden State, feel free to open this on Friday, when you are permitted to celebrate. Actually, due to conditions, you likely won’t be able to read this until then anyway (too soon?)

Seriously, though…I do hope all of you along Sandy’s devastating path are safe, along with your families, friends, pets and homes, and I send my thoughts and best wishes for a quick and easy return to normalcy, whatever that might mean.

And just think…next Halloween, I will likely be dressed up as a dad!

Peace, love and warm regards to you all,

IDROS

Everyone’s A Critic: The Advantages of Being A Product of the 80s

I’ve been meaning to work a Movie Review segment into this blog for some time now, but really haven’t found the right moment (or movie, for that matter) to kick it off.

Well move over bacon…it’s SizzleLean. Um, I mean, welcome to “Everyone’s a Critic,” a forum in which I take my zero years of film review experience, zero combined classroom hours of film study and zero authority on anything related to cinema, directing, acting, producing or editing, and aim them, concurrently, at some unsuspecting cinematic production just like Peter, Ray, Egon (and Winston) targeted all things phantasmagorical with their proton packs. So with apologies to the likes of Gene Siskel (RIP), Roger Ebert, Anthony Lane, David Edelstein and their ilk…

After graduating college, my roommate and I kept Leonard Maltin’s Movie Encyclopedia on our coffee table as a reference while we watched movies and television. We would eagerly thumb through this cumbersome tome whenever we came across any actor or movie that triggered a “have to know and won’t be able to fall asleep tonight if I don’t” moment in either one of us, which occurred at least once a day. This burden was thrust upon us, by the way, because our cohabitation took place in a time just before Al Gore unveiled the Internet (actually, that’s not really accurate, but it was before IMDb, Wikipedia and other Internet sources for all sorts of cinematic arcana were available, if you can wrap your mind around that).

Said roommate was (and still is) a huge film buff. He would likely list Scorsese, Spielberg and John Hughes among his heroes. He did attend film school, logged hours of classroom credits in all things cinema, and secretly wished (perhaps still wishes) something akin to the plot of The Freshman occurred to him while innocently going about his own NYU curriculum.

I hereby dedicate this first installment of “Everyone’s A Critic” to that roommate and lifelong friend, who is currently on his Honeymoon after a literal storybook wedding. Congratulations to him and his beautiful bride.

Friendships we make during our adolescence can be powerful. And now I can’t help but think of Mrs. Smith in Better Off Dead grabbing poor Monique’s face as she says: “Friend. You know, Friend?” (I really wanted to attach this clip here for reference, and was shocked to find that in the entirety of the Interweb, nobody has uploaded this treasure. I mean, Laura Waterbury is priceless in this film playing Dennis Blunden’s, er, I mean Ricky Smith’s mother…but all I could find were her “Christmas” and “International Language” clips. If any of you can find the “Friend” clip, please let me know or post in the comments section). But, as usual, I digress.

We share our most awkward and fragile times in our lives with our middle and high school friends, and often rely on them as sounding boards, confidantes, comic relief, and vital companions as we fight tooth and nail to find our way in a world that can be cruel, confusing and overwhelming at times. I think Richard Dreyfuss’ adult version of Gordie LaChance said it best in Stand By Me: “I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?”

With that in mind, it brings me joy to announce The Perks of Being a Wallflower as the first movie I will review. After John Hughes passed on (actually, after he inexplicably stopped making movies about teen angst), my generation has been craving a good coming of age cinematic storyteller. Sure, there have been some valiant efforts over the years to fill Hughes shoes: Can’t Hardly Wait, American Pie, Donnie Darko, Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist, Juno, Superbad, etc. But despite some brilliant one-off efforts, there is a gold standard when mining the high school experience for cinematic exuberance, and in the mid 1980s, John Hughes set it…over and over again. (Sidebar: Cameron Crowe, with a distinguished oeuvre that includes Fast Times at Ridgemont High and Say Anything, as well as Almost Famous, which does focus on teen angst and insecurity as a primary theme, certainly has earned a reserved seat at this exclusive table).

Stephen Chbosky adapted his own highly acclaimed novel for the big screen. His tale is ambitious. Perhaps too ambitious in tackling a seemingly large number of issues that plague modern youth, and if I had any complaint at all regarding this film, it would be rooted in that over-zealous ambition.

That said, the story works and the acting is far beyond any expectations one could have for a film comprised of characters primarily in their mid to late teens. In fact, some of the performances are brilliant. Even the cameos and bit parts played by familiar “adult” actors add welcome, innocuous accompaniment to the stellar cast.

Some will argue this film (and the book it is based upon) offers characters and plot resolutions that are too good or too neat for the powerful and ugly (at times) storylines that are explored. My answer to that is people are jaded. You can’t accept the hokey tabletop birthday cake scene with Jake Ryan and Sam Baker at the end of Sixteen Candles (or Farmer Ted waking up in a Rolls Royce with the prom queen for that matter) without a desire for a neat, Hollywood ending. That’s what audiences want. That is why Claire can kiss John Bender and wrap her giant diamond earring in his hand as the credits roll, and why Ferris successfully eludes Rooney and his parents. It is why we not only accept Lloyd Dobler getting on that plane with Diane Court, we expect it.

Sure, perhaps elements of Charlie’s relationship with his new friends, and with Sam in particular, seem forced and unlikely at times. But we want things to work out favorably for Charlie…and for Sam and Patrick. We enjoy seeing Paul Rudd as a friendly, inspirational role model for our protagonist despite every cliché and tired action his character is seemingly forced into by the script (his performance is strong nonetheless, and his character has perhaps the best non-comedic line of the entire film). Like with Noah Wyle and Drew Barrymore in Donnie Darko, we really don’t care how ridiculous or forced their dialogue may be – we just respect them for finding a worthy script and joining the cast of a special film, even if it is a small role outside their comfort zone.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower has its warts, just as all adolescent students have theirs. However, the script is witty, unique and at times, moving. The characters are likable and generally plausible. And the music, as with any teen angst movie worth watching, is terrific.

Because I was a senior in high school myself when this film takes place, the soundtrack certainly resonates with me (and likely my contemporaries) even more. Music plays a huge part in our formative years, often setting the mood for how we interpret, participate and adapt to the world around us. You can actually witness and feel the impact music has on the characters in this film, at times cringing in disbelief and at times smiling and nodding and tapping your feet as appropriate lyrics and emotionally relevant melodies envelop us along with our on-screen companions.

As previously conceded, my resume fails to empower me as an expert authority, or even an amateur wannabe, on anything film-related. So please bear with me as I briefly discuss the cinematography. I thought it was great. Scenes flowed together effortlessly, and crafty dialog and cut-aways allowed our imagination to create some of the film’s more graphic, unpleasant and violent scenes and images in our heads rather than on screen. The director even used some creative filming and editing techniques to seamlessly fade unrelated images into one another as scenes began and ended, as well as intelligently used music lyrics to help tell his story or to reinforce images and themes.

My favorite element of TPOBAW was its focus on friendship, and how important friends can be to our survival during our adolescence and while navigating the pitfalls of high school. And there are many such pitfalls: from parental pressure to hormonal changes, from our first job to dating woes, from sexual experimentation to maintaining our eligibility for athletics, from college prep to our first car, from fitting in to finding a date for the prom, from cigarettes, alcohol and drugs to problems at home, from peer pressure to acne, for most, high school is fraught with horrifying potential.

At the base of this film’s plot is a story of friendship, and how it profoundly affects the trajectory of the primary characters’ lives. Despite what the overwhelming majority of Hollywood’s teen movie genre may indicate, high school stories center on much more than the jocks and cheerleaders, than the popular kids. Every one of us lived through high school and have become who we are today from the unique experience we had during those crucial years. John Hughes knew this, and gave us a balanced account in most of his films. Judd Apatow and Paul Feig also knew this as they delivered their masterpiece, the television drama Freaks and Geeks, which unfortunately was axed after only one brilliant season, far too early.

Bottom line, Chbosky put forth a worthy effort in exploring teen angst; and considering he had to edit, and in some ways, compromise his own novel to do so makes it even more admirable. J.D. Salinger, the undisputed master of teen angst prose, never breathed cinematic life into his opus. I am in no way drawing a comparison to The Catcher In The Rye here for TPOBAW, though I would not be the first to do so (click this amazing piece and this book review for a sampling). I am saying that Chbosky tells a poignant and powerful tale of teen life in early 1990s Pittsburgh that resonates today with people of all ages, of all geographies, males, females, gay and straight, and that is an accomplishment worthy of praise.

Tying in with the theme of TPOBAW, I attended my aforementioned roommate’s (and lifelong friend’s) wedding this past weekend. Many of our high school friends were there. It was so incredible to celebrate with all of them, to relive our youth and also fill in the gaps of life since high school for those we don’t see or speak to as regularly anymore. Reuniting with my own companions and support system, my friends, who made my high school years manageable, memorable, and fortunately for me, four generally fun and carefree years in my life, was incredible, but also bittersweet.

Why, you might ask? Well I keep hearing Dreyfuss’ voice echoing in my head. No, we never do have friends like we do during our adolescence. A lot of this certainly has to do with nostalgia for our own youth and innocence. Maybe all of it does. Even if we are lucky enough to retain those friends from our youth, life changes. We don’t see these people every day like we used to. We don’t have the free time we used to. We may not even live in the same state or country as these people.

But those friends we make in high school are not diminished by our changing lives. Whether they remain our closest friends or have drifted away, their importance at the crossroads of our personal development dictates that they remain part of us forever, woven into the fabric of our very essence.

And those are the Perks of being part of whatever group of friends you happened to make and fall in with in high school. They are meaningful and profound, and if you are lucky, they are eternal.

I thank you all for reading and for your friendship. It was great to reminisce with those of you I saw in New York.

IDROS

Everyone’s A Critic Grade: The Perks of Being a Wallflower – A 94/100 “EAC It” (Yes, I decided I needed a hokey tagline)

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Filed under Entertainment, Humor, Movies

Tagged as Almost Famous, American Pie, Anthony Lane, Better Off Dead, Cameron Crowe, Can't Hardly Wait, David Edelstein, Donnie Darko, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Ferris Bueller, Freaks and Geeks, Gene Siskel, J.D. Salinger, John Hughes, Judd Apatow, Juno, Laura Waterbury, Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist, Paul Feig, Richard Dreyfuss, Roger Ebert, Say Anything, Sixteen Candles, Stand By Me, Stephen Chbosky, Superbad, The Breakfast Club, The Catcher In The Rye, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

September 25, 2012 · 11:58 am

Escaping the Frustration of the upcoming Election With…More Frustration, From the NFL of All Places

So who’s frustrated?

America is suffering right now in more ways than anyone cares to admit. Unemployment is rampant, the housing market hasn’t rebounded in a meaningful way, it has been reported that nearly two thirds of mortgages are upside down, our national debt is skyrocketing out of control, entitlement programs are verging on bankruptcy, mass murders and hostage crises dominate our news every other day, we still live in a country where every citizen does not share the same rights as their fellow Americans, our young brothers and sisters are forced to continue to fight wars (by their hawkish politicians who somehow are not mandated to sacrifice their own progeny in these never-ending, meaningless and frustratingly ill-conceived bloodbaths) in remote corners of the globe with disturbing accounts of lost American lives seemingly every day, and perhaps most telling, some pudgy redneck child named Honey Boo Boo and her troglodyte mother have a frighteningly large following (and the phenomenon that is her rise to “fame” has surprisingly made its way to people like me, and I can tell you I am shaking my head this very second as I type this).

You would think that the fact this is an election year would be good news for millions of frustrated and struggling Americans. At last, the greatest benefit of living in a democratic society is within reach, appearing almost from nowhere, like a posh oasis in the middle of the scariest desert imaginable. Yay. We can vote out the scourge that got us into this mess, OR…Alright! We can keep this regime, which has nobly tried to help a horrible situation in the face of an unimaginably horrific starting point and starkly uncooperative opposition across the aisle. Either way, unfortunately, our recourse at the polls in five weeks will inevitably reveal that oasis to be a mirage.

Why? Because the ridiculous emergence of a dominant farcical two-party system relegates every American to literally elect the worst party-influenced caricature imaginable into office every two, four and six years. I am not sure why we only ever have two realistic choices in any political race, and also why those two candidates have to represent both the best AND worst of their respective parties (I would rather cast my vote for an actual elephant or donkey than the human candidates). It ensures every voter has to make some awful choices come election time, basically subrogating rationality in order to choose what they hope will be “the lesser of two evils.” At least that’s how I envision educated people pulling their respective levers. And don’t get me started on the millions of…let’s just say educationally challenged…people.

Why can’t I walk into a voting booth and attempt to elect a candidate who is liberal socially but somewhat conservative fiscally? Why can’t I manage to find a candidate that has a non-hawkish outlook on foreign policy, and who guarantees good relations with Israel, America’s only true ally in the Middle East? Why can’t I ever find a candidate who swears to end America’s dependence on oil and fossil fuels…and MEANS IT?

The real issue boils down to money, as usual. And that is the essence of what really grinds my gears. Our political system has been hijacked by the highest bidders, and what’s worse, those bidders aren’t even allowed to vote. Why not? Because they are corporations, not people. And all of us (or at least the overwhelming majority), the voting public, suffer as a result. Perhaps worst of all is the brash manner in which billions of dollars are flushed down the toilet, mocking all of us – particularly those in need – as ridiculous party venom is spewed all over our homes and neighborhoods through every media outlet imaginable.

The democratic system, designed to help the common man shape (or at least have a say in) the world around him or her, has become a game dominated by mercenaries, where policy and policy makers are sold to the highest bidder(s), leaving all of us worse off.

We have no recourse as voters. And the politicians and the two parties know this. So they play the game that has emerged, benefitting from it however they can no matter what the consequences are for their constituents, as only opportunist politicians can. They all have us by the short hairs. But like lemmings, we all continue the charade that we actually have power, that we still live in a democratic society and that we can affect change through the polls. The thing is, until campaign finance reform is amended and until the two nausea-inducing parties are eliminated from a position of influence, we will all suffer increased polarization of our populace and leaders as well as the whims and fiscal agendas of the most powerful companies in the world.

Despite a crippled economy and growing political unrest, however, if you ask most men (and to be fair, some women too) in America right now what their biggest gripe is, and their answer might just surprise you – though after last night’s debacle, all bets are off. Unfortunately, I am referring to the current NFL lockout of its referees. The mega-billion dollar monopolistic behemoth that is the National Football League, or “the shield” as it is referred to by its most loving fans, is playing hard ball right now with its crew of 120 well-trained officials over pension funds, back-up officials and a few other negotiable points, and insodoing, is jeopardizing the health and safety of its players as well as the integrity of the game that has become the de facto American pastime, with all due respect to baseball.

As frustrating as this is for fans, both die-hard and casual, to stomach, there is virtually nothing any of us can do about it. And the owners and commissioner of the league know this. They have us by the proverbial short hairs: television ratings are as strong as ever as is attendance at most stadia. And that despite the folly that unfolds on most fields with what amounts to replacement officials seemingly qualified for nothing more than middle school or peewee league football. Some of these replacements have been caught with Facebook pictures openly showcasing their NFL team allegiance, and at least one scab official was reported by an NFL player to have approached said player pleading for a good performance to “aid his fantasy team.” I couldn’t make this stuff up. Nobody could. Well maybe Orwell, but nobody else.

Our only recourse is to not watch and not go to games. But we love our football so much that this really isn’t an option, right? NFL brass knows this. And we all suffer. Hmmm. Sound familiar? Well it should. This exact scenario is playing out concurrently in our nation’s toxic political atmosphere.

Oh well. At least we live in America, right? Greatest nation on the planet…in many ways, I suppose. I am too young to be so frustrated. So I won’t be.

Plus, I (and most of you…actually, all of you. Who am I kidding?) don’t live in Green Bay. You know what goes really well with that sour taste you have in your mouth? Cheese. So at least you have that going for you.

Happy New Year everyone.

IDROS

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Filed under Current Events, Politics, Sports

Tagged as Boycott, Election, Fiasco, Frustration, Green Bay, Honey Boo-Boo, NFL, Packers, Politics, Referees, Replacement Refs, Seahawks

August 31, 2012 · 4:03 pm

Blue Moon

My inner-nerd is giddy at times like this. Tonight as you gaze up into the sky, know that you are witnessing a rare event. Not Halley’s Comet rare by any means, but rare enough to inspire one of life’s great maxims as well as one of the most powerful and enduring love songs of all time.

You saw me standing alone

For centuries, the term blue moon defined the uncommon occurrence of a fourth full moon in a given season. This, according to the Farmer’s Almanac, has taken place 7 times every 19 years, or about once every three years.

Since 1980, however, the colorful idiom has been redefined to refer to the phenomenon of a second full moon in a month. Tonight, for the first time since March, 2010, the respective orbits of earth and our moon will afford us the atypical opportunity to bear witness to a wonder of nature that LITERALLY only ever occurs once in a blue moon.

The term does not have anything to do with the moon’s color, though at times our tidal regulator does, in fact, take on a bluish hue. A moon that is blue in tint, however, has nothing to do with its phase, but instead is brought about by particles of ash and other substances in our atmosphere – usually caused by volcanic eruptions and the breaking apart of small asteroids and meteors.

Without a dream in my heart

For citizens of the United States, the next blue moon is not scheduled to occur until July, 2015, or the better part of three years from now. So catch it tonight if you can.

And for those hoping for an unexpected gift or blessing or surprise…tonight just might be your night. After all, those kinds of things happen but once in a blue moon.

So yes, Lloyd, I’m saying there’s a chance.

Without a love of my own

There are a few things I love concerning Blue Moons:

Neil Armstrong’s funeral, fittingly, took place today, an uncanny day involving the sphere that bears his footprint. And just as appropriately, Armstrong is that rare hero in this day and age who exuded humility, who never used his fame for personal gain and who will remain an American icon for eternity for a legendary feat as well as his own adage that belongs in the all-time pantheon of chilling phrases: For it is once in a blue moon that someone utters such powerful words as, “That’s one small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind.”
Madeleine Hayes and David Addison’s fledgling private investigator agency, aptly named for its unlikely success pinned on the improbable but palpable chemistry of its two principles. Moonlighting’s audience would quickly yearn for the affable stars to cut the witty repartee and become a couple already, but alas, would learn the hard truth that such an event could only actually happen once in a blue moon…as long as the ratings were good.
That today’s definition of the term Blue Moon actually stems from a mistake. An astronomer in 1946 erroneously referred to a blue moon as the second full moon in a calendar month rather than the fourth full moon in a season. This faulty report was referenced in 1980 on a popular radio show, and the “new” definition was widely popularized through the pop-culture favorite, Trivial Pursuit. Once in a blue moon, a 500 year old term gets a new definition.
Old friends might remember a comical version of the standard I used to sing during lunch, a rendition I only revisit these days…yup…once in a blue moon.

Bom-ba-ba-bom-ba-bom-ba-bom-bom-ba-ba-bom-ba-ba-bom-ba-ba-dang-a-dang-dang
Ba-ba-ding-a-dong-ding…Blue Moon

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Filed under Current Events, Science

Tagged as Blue Moon, Moonlightling, Neil Armstrong

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Blue Moon

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