Happy New Year all! It’s been a minute since IDROS felt inspired enough to put fingers to keyboard. In many ways, IDROS, like many of you, has been mired for the past year and a quarter in a crippling state of shock. But we must persist. And so IDROS moves forward, much like the nomadic tribe of his ancestors, through the desert fleeing bondage.
Numbers is the fourth book of the Torah.
Numbers continues the story of the Jews’ escape from bondage, and delivers us to the land of Israel, the Promised Land. The Book’s importance to our story cannot be overstated, just as numbers are intertwined with humanity.
First there was creation. Second came freedom. Third, the rule of law. But without numbers, how would we understand the order of things?
Numbers don’t lie. Numbers are ubiquitous in life, death and throughout the universe.
Numbers help us to measure, compare, catalog, calibrate, categorize, name, differentiate, urinate, defecate, navigate, investigate, rate, rank, code and even paint (for those of us not blessed with artistic talent).
Numbers also mark human wrists like cattle.
It’s no accident I am writing this on 1/7, exactly 10 years after the terrorist attack in Paris on Charlie Hebdo.
10 and 7 are numbers.
5785 is a number.
1.6 billion is a number.
15,000,000 is a number.
55 is a number.
1 is a number.
6,000,000 is a number.
1,200 is a number.
240 is a number.
101 is a number.
2025 is a number…
The year reads as if out of a science fiction novel or movie. And the past five years, ten if I’m being honest, have fit the bill.
Reeling from the crushing blow that was October 7, 2023, I trudge through the sand dunes and scorched earth of modern Jewish life, bearing witness to another agonizing hate crime, campus encampment, terrorist ramming or award show double standard.
I truly felt that morning of 10/7 as though I literally had the wind knocked out of me, and have been trying to catch my breath ever since. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. My grandparents had suffered so much, sacrificed so much to ensure that.
We had just survived a pandemic!
And just as the world began to revel in that triumph, as ebullience gripped the economy and ushered in a new Roaring 20’s exactly one century later, IDROS’ people, the world’s rounding error, were doomed to continue our quarantine in a new ghetto fortified by a new spin on humanity’s oldest prejudice. This has been a nightmare far worse than Covid…and now, we weren’t the ones wearing masks.
It has been a trying five years and an unthinkable 460 odd days. Bearing witness to the pervasive and incessant hatred has been harrowing. But the silence and ambivalence has been far worse. Raising children amid this cruelty is a Herculean test.
Still, the more and more IDROS reflects, the more he believes this time is pivotal, even monumental for Jews and our brave allies everywhere. Sure, there have been times of relative peace and prosperity for us as a people…most of us grew up and lived the majority of our lives during such a time, and we were blessed! Blessed for the sacrifices of the millions who paid the ultimate price, the millions more, who like IDROS’ grandparents (and those of Mrs. IDROS), somehow clung to life among the ruins, and last, but certainly not least, blessed for the brave actions of our allies, soldiers and citizens who risked everything at a time when humanity had dipped further into the bowels of hell than ever before, and through their courage, saved humanity from eternal damnation.
It is imperative we honor the memory of the 6 million, and of the 1,200, and of the countless others who we lost along the way. We cannot allow their deaths to be in vain. It’s our time to grab the reins from our grandparents and help ensure that our story continues.
Having Israel is a huge bonus, one our grandparents suffered without. But there is still work to be done across the diaspora. Don’t sit on the sidelines. We have an opportunity to build a better future for not just the Jewish people, but all of the civilized world. It seems daunting. We are outnumbered. But we always have been.
IDROS loves numerology and Gematria. Numbers don’t lie. People lie, but numbers are beacons of truth.
In Numbers god takes a census, the first census, of the Jewish people. Then, 40 years later, a second census is taken, and each counts almost the same exact number of people. There are now approximately the same number of Jews worldwide as there were prior to the Holocaust. We know this because we continue god’s work. This must have significance.
October 7, 2023. This date was significant. Its aftermath is significant.
In the Jewish calendar, the date was the 22/23 Tishrei, 5784.
Tishrei is the seventh month in the Jewish calendar, and means beginning.
By the time the atrocities of 10/7 were known across the diaspora, and we had time to digest the horror, it was 23 Tishrei. 23-7-5784.
2+3+7 = 12
5+7+8+4 = 24
12+24 = 36
18 represents Chai, meaning life, in Hebrew.
The Gematria of 10/7 is double Chai.
IDROS interprets this as a new beginning for life, for both Israel, and for the Jews of the diaspora.
In the words of a prominent Jew, This shit got me in my feelings. And there are so many overwhelming feelings and emotions that I am short circuiting inside my head. When I get emotional and need to process more than I can handle, I tend to write. So here goes. And I apologize in advance if this goes long and rambles from time to time. I appreciate you following along. I also apologize if any of this is graphic or difficult to digest or triggering in any way. But it is my truth…our truth, laid to bare.
I am mired right now between the proverbial Scylla and Charybdis of fear and dread. But the Sirens of anger, frustration, horror and grief are closing in as well. I have been warned since early childhood of not just man’s proclivity toward inhumanity and savagery toward his fellow man, but also of a specific branch of this brutality and dehumanization reserved solely for the Jewish people.
I saw it tattooed onto my grandparents’ wrists. I heard it in the stern warnings of survivors like Elie Weisel, who bunked with my grandfather in Auschwitz, and whom I went to hear with him and my family when I was but an age where I still tacked on a fraction. I read about it in books, like Anne Frank’s diary and Maus and Night. I learned about it in religious school and history class. I went to rallies. I traveled to Israel, and visited with family who also survived the Shoah to get there. I spoke to them and filled in some of the enormous gaps and missing branches of my family tree. I listened to stories that would make Wes Craven and Bram Stoker’s blood curdle. I visited Yad Vashem. I was one of the first to tour the Holocaust Museum in Washington DC, and the Jewish Museum in Philadelphia.
My family felt safe in America. The others, in Israel, told me they felt reasonably safe too. But there was always an underlying dread…a reality that our relative safety was incredibly fragile, and it was only a matter of time before the safety bubble afforded by the Holocaust (the world’s pity literally bought us a generation or so of relative reprieve) would erode and leave us back out in the cold and miserable Jew-hating world to fend for ourselves again.
Ahhhh…but now we have Israel! We all clung to this notion…our own semitic holy grail. Israel’s mere existence made another Holocaust impossible, right? If they came for us again, we knew we had a safe place to go where we could be free and proud to be Jewish…we knew we had a place that wanted us, and where we felt like family.
Well, the events of the past week definitely took some wind out of those sails. I’m not saying I believe the utopian dream of Jews, our Ner Tamid, has been extinguished. But the reality of how fragile and exposed and isolated Israel truly is, wedged amid vicious enemies, terror groups, and tyrants has not been so apparent since 1973. And in that 50 years, as the world’s dependency on oil grew exponentially with its population, and new regimes rose and fell around the tiny Jewish nation based on oil prices and various wars and shadow wars orchestrated by the global superpowers, fundamentalists seized the ensuing chaos to grab hold of a war weary and easily manipulated population, ratcheting up the hatred of the infidels in Israel and the colonist West. After all, it was the Western powers that dropped the state of Israel like a bomb in the middle of their Arab hegemony, and propped Israel up and used it to interfere in their meal ticket commodity, their black gold.
But that was THE lie they clung to and fed to the rest of the world…especially the war-weary new generation of hippies and liberals. Jews had been continuously living in the region for thousands of years…since before there was Islam. There were large and glorious populations of Jews in pretty much every nation in the Middle East for hundreds and even thousands of years…before there were borders that carved nations out of the desert once ruled by empires.
And so, from THE big lie (one of many actually), I will begin to unload and unpack the various sources of my anger, fear and dread that were magnified by the events of last Saturday:
Yitgadal v’yitkadash sh’mei raba
1)A Greek Tragedy: Maybe Jews are the embodiment of mythical Sisyphus. Though we have certainly cheated death more than twice, it seems we are doomed to suffer for eternity, pushing our metaphorical rock up a never-ending mountain of grief, despair and torture.
2)Silence is not golden in the face of evil: I am angry that the right people won’t read this (or any of the amazing posts I have read from many in my Network) because we all live in our self-chosen echo chambers in today’s polarized world. I would like to begin by thanking those of you in my life and any of my networks and chats and who aren’t Jewish, who have taken the time to reach out to me personally and especially those who have posted publicly in support of Israel and Jews in the wake of the latest horror show. It means so much! Unfortunately, your support represents a very small percentage of my non-Jewish world, and the ambivalence, cowardice and/or antisemitism that has been illuminated among the others is telling and extremely painful.
uvyomeichon uvchayei d’chol beit yisrael,
3)Sitting Shiva on Groundhog Day: I am exhausted from having to repeatedly defend the one Jewish country in the world…even after a traumatic and brutal event on par with and in many ways, even worse than 911 (in terms of the dehumanizing elements of targeting and raping and brutally murdering infants, children, mothers and grandmothers, as well as in sheer numbers killed and inured as a percentage of population, and because this was a hate crime against Jews, and not simply an indiscriminate terror attack). Think about that. At a time when Jews everywhere are all triggered by generational trauma, when we are in mourning, in shock and unable to breathe, when we should be comforted and shown kindness and offered condolences and words of compassion, instead, we are forced into a cycle of needing to defend, of getting sucked into ludicrous debates dripping with whataboutisms (a tactic, mind you, that if it were brought into a conversation or debate following a tragedy or event involving any other minority, race, gender, or slice of humanity, would be met with vicious counter-attacks, scorn, dismissal and banishment from said dialogue).
ba’agala uvizman kariv,
4)We dread what comes next more than what happened: After I digested the events of last Saturday morning and gave myself a few minutes to mourn what could only be described as the set of the next Saw movie (except in real life), I immediately had a pit in my stomach, dreading what was to come. As angry and horrified as I was over the brutal murders of Jews, the imminent retaliation I knew was inevitable weighed on my trembling soul. I am beyond incensed at the murder of my brothers and sisters in Israel, but even more furious at what their deaths will force the Israeli government and armed forces to do to avenge the fallen and taken, and to prevent further attacks.
v’im’ru: “amen.”
5)Out of Proportion: A consistent source of frustration and anger throughout my life as I have analyzed the complexities and nuances of the Israeli/Palestinian conflict is the idea of “Proportionate Response.” War is awful. But I assure you, in any war or battle throughout the history of man, there is nobody sitting on the sidelines keeping score, using a clicker or abacus to count the dead and injured on each side. I am certain that the scrutiny of this particular conflict focuses on such details due to racism above all, and that makes my blood boil. Beyond the usual and justifiable rationales behind the discrepancy in body counts (we have a right to defend our citizens), the fact that Hamas, a known terrorist organization, purposefully instigates retaliation while hiding behind women and children, and locating their operations and munitions in hospitals and schools, ensures unbalanced collateral damage. They want it that way. They don’t care about their own people they were “elected” to serve and protect…they only want the rest of the world to be shocked and repulsed by the images of dead Palestinian children. And it works. Further, nobody ever brings up the fact that during each incident, thousands of rockets are launched into Israel with the intent to murder Jews. The fact that Israel wisely spends huge sums of its budget on DEFENSE and fortunately has technology that can stop most of these rockets should not influence world opinion regarding what could have happened. The world plays the result, and only sees the aftermath. Not the panic in the streets of Israel; the days and nights spent in bomb shelters; the disruption of business and life in general, on the regular; and the terror Israeli’s face daily, living side by side with people intent on murdering them. Attempted murder is a crime too. Every rocket launched from Gaza is a war crime. Yet this goes unmentioned from the armchair foreign policy analysts around the world. And lastly, I leave you with this to ponder: what exactly is the proportionate response to rape? To beheading babies? To torturing and kidnapping elderly women? To violently murdering parents in front of children and children in front of parents? To cutting unborn fetuses out of pregnant mothers and shooting the baby and the mother?
Y’hei sh’mei raba m’varach l’alam ul’almei almaya.
6)Antizionism IS the New Antisemitism: The state of Israel allows (read: mostly leftist, liberal) Jew haters everywhere to be more comfortable in a woke world. But I also know Israel is a true beacon of pretty much everything that side of the aisle holds sacred. That said, the woke crowd won’t have it. Even the most intellectual among them are relentless in their stubborn refusal to acknowledge Israel as an ally to their causes and a friend in a region where so many other nations and players and citizens would literally throw them in jail (or much, much worse) for extolling the rights of the LBGTQ community, the equality of women, free speech, free press and free assembly. Make no mistake…the heinous and barbaric crimes commited last Saturday were not an attack on Israel and Israelis and their Government. THEY WERE AN ATTACK ON JEWS, EVERYWHERE IN THE WORLD! And I am sickened, and terrified.
Yitbarach v’yishtabach,
7) I am scared for my children: It must have been shortly after the Rodney King riots in the 90s when I first heard a black celebrity on a talk show describe “the talk” black parents must have with their children, about what to do if they get pulled over and talking to the police in general. It made a lasting impression on me. Now I have children and have come to the realization that my wife and I too, as Jews, must have a similarly depressing series of conversations with our children. We need to carefully recount their family histories, which include Concentration Camps, the Holocaust, hidden children, pogroms, looting, confiscation, torture, “scientific” experimentation, murder, DP camps, humiliation, starvation, the rise of Communism, Socialism, poverty, etc. We also need to paint the picture of our world, and what that means for Jews, be it the police presence at synagogue and religious school, the time a girl at school asked my son if he killed Jesus after finding out he was Jewish, the Tree of Life murders, the Paris terror, neo-Nazis, the KKK, a thousand other stories and hate crimes from around the world…and of course Israel.
It broke my heart yesterday when my eight-year-old son asked my wife, “Will Hamas find out that Jewish people like us live in America? Will they come after us here?” And what parent wants their children to fear their identity, their religion, their ethnicity, right? Let that sink in a bit. Devastating. Then:
v’yitpa’ar v’yitromam
8) From the mouths of babes: Guess where my mind went from there? To the depths of hell, that’s where! I started thinking about all this new technology we have, and all the posts the Jewish community has made globally, and thinking that the modern-day Hitler, these shitty terrorists, could now easily track all of the Jews and Jew supporters and actually do something on the level my son was suggesting…
v’yitnaseh, v’yithadar v’yit’aleh v’yit’halal
9) Academia, a safe and inclusive space for all: I am furious at universities and supposed idyllic campuses for “higher education” and have been for some time. Wokeness and Liberal antisemitism has been festering on campuses around the world under the guise of freedom of speech and inclusiveness. But guess who was never invited to this party? Probably the greatest champions of human rights, civil liberties and LBGTQ and Gender equality on the planet (definitely per capita, and arguably by overall contributions as well). And why? Because many Jews support Israel, which is unacceptable in today’s hallowed halls of academia. How these campuses, many of which can count Jews as some of their largest donors and benefactors and distinguished alums, can allow this insidious filth to penetrate their ivy walls and classrooms, where professors with tenure lambaste Israel in front of full lecture halls of malleable young minds, is beyond me. But the real kicker has been a proliferation of university-sponsored events, usually on campus or nearby, that feature some of the world’s most notorious and outspoken antisemites (generally under the cloak of antizionism). I can count both of my alma maters, Duke and NYU, among these crumbling institutions (and want to puke), as well as UPenn, Temple, CAL Berkeley, UNC, Stanford, Harvard and too many more to count.
sh’mei d’kud’sha, b’rich hu,
10)And Iran (not Flock of Seagulls): I am furious at our current administration in the US for releasing the funds to Iran. I know Iran played a role here. To what extent, we shall see. But the looming deal between Saudi Arabia and Israel along with the timing of the release of the funds was no coincidence. And are the politicians claiming the funds were frozen in Qatar (the largest funder of Hamas) serious? They claim the money could only be used for humanitarian uses. Great…so up to 6 billion in Iran, that might have gone to those uses, was now freed up to fund terror. I don’t understand the blindness there. Money is money. YOU DON’T MAKE DEALS WITH TERRORISTS! Rule 1, 2 and 3 of diplomacy. Biden and his cronies have some ‘splainin to do. (And it seems the Saudi/Israel negotiations have been derailed…so victory to Iran and Hamas on that front).
l’eila min-kol-birchata v’shirata, tushb’chata
11)Religion and Politics: Make no mistake: I am angry at many members of BOTH parties and many “independents” too. I realize Jews have tremendous allies in American politics and am grateful. But both parties are littered with antisemites and those who not only tolerate antisemitism, but encourage and attract it with their rhetoric, policies, hunger for power and tacit support for nefarious regimes and tyrants globally. I had a friend post something to social media this week in support of her Jewish friends, which is amazing. However, said message of support also contained a pointed attack on one political party in our country. This is not a time to exploit the horrific terror attacks in Israel for your own political gain or messaging. BOTH PARTIES ARE GUILTY OF ANTISEMITISM. Jews have no safe harbor in American nor global politics.
v’nechemata da’amiran b’alma,
12)Set Up to Fail Israeli Awful: Speaking of dealing with terrorists, I don’t really understand what the world nor the US in particular, expected Israel to do given the fact that a terrorist organization was running the show in Gaza? Why was Israel solely responsible? Hasn’t the world seen firsthand the difficulty of freeing a nation from the grips of a militant terrorist organization. The world’s two most powerful superpowers spent much of two decades failing spectacularly in Afghanistan. It is brutal for even the largest and wealthiest countries with the most powerful arsenals…so what exactly was the expectation of Israel here? Even throwing tons of money at them couldn’t help, especially given the rest of the world’s one-sided view of Israel coupled with the fact that so much money continued to be funneled to Hamas under the guise of humanitarian aid.
v’im’ru: “amen.”
13)Egypt Us: And then there is the rest of the Arab and Islamic world, and in particular, Egypt. Why do they get a pass? Why is this situation always blamed on Israel, and Israel alone? Pretty much everything that has happened in that region since the end of WWII is the fault of the UN (who now has become the most antisemitic joke of an organization in the entire world), and the 20+ Islamic nations in the region who have repeatedly attacked, funded, instigated, harbored terrorists, ethnically cleansed themselves of once thriving Jewish communities and made life extremely difficult for Israel. And Egypt, who also shares a border with Gaza, has been downright obstinate in alleviating problems. The Arab and Islamic world has conspired to use the Palestinian people, who none of them want in their countries, as pawns in a long con to win back Israel’s territory in the world’s “court of public opinion.” And it is working.
Y’hei shlama raba min-sh’maya v’chayim
14) Unsettled: The only opinions that should matter are Native American, African Bushmen, Māori or Aboriginal (and of the like). I am so triggered every time I hear or read about Israel’s “settler colonialism.” It is very easy for many to sit in their comfortable homes in America and Europe (and Australia, South America, Asia, etc.) with relative security afforded by millennia of colonialism, slavery, and institutional racism and cast judgment on a fledgling nation composed of the most hated and vilified minority on earth, historically and currently. Especially when most doing the judging would not be able to endure one second of life in said country, conscripting their children to the army at eighteen, living with constant threat of incursion and terror, and doing this with the generational trauma all of them have from not just the Holocaust, but Stalin, the Middle Eastern actual ethnic cleansing of Jews, the Cossacks, the Inquisition, the Edict of Expulsion and countless other genocidal and antisemitic purges, policies, hate crimes and incidents. The Palestinian people were given land for a state just as the Jews were. They rejected it, and then joined four other Arabic nations in declaring war on the Jews. Then the Arab league attacked two more times, and the Palestinians were quite complicit. Israel captured land during each of those three incursions to help defend against further attacks. Throw in Munich, multiple Intifadas and volatile, tyrannical and terrorist leadership with ties to and funding from Iran, who has sworn to wipe Israel of the face of the earth, and it is difficult to blame Israel for annexing land that helped secure its people in regions most defensively vulnerable to attack.
aleinu v’al-kol-yisrael,
15) Appeasement is feeding the crocodile, hoping he will eat you last: As Churchill famously decried, appeasement of evil never works. Ask Chamberlain, or any French leader after Napoleon. I don’t know how we free Palestine and many other Middle Eastern nations from the grips of terrorists, but if our world ever wants to see peace in the Middle East, rooting out and destroying terrorist organizations, cells and their accomplices would be an appropriate step. It will take time, will endanger the lives of millions and could set off a world war. But if the world is unwilling to combat evil at the scale it did in 1941, then the awful cycles of violence we see repeatedly throughout the Middle East will continue to reverberate, forever. And if people truly do care about the plight of the innocent Palestinians, this is the only way forward.
v’im’ru: “amen.”
16) The Emancipation Occupation: Israel takes blame around the world for its Occupation of the West Bank and control of Gaza’s borders. Do schools teach history? Following most wars throughout the history of mankind, the victors have occupied the losers. In ancient times and until the end of the First World War this was done for colonial reasons and to remunerate the victors for the steep cost of battle. Following the Second World War, however, at least for the Western Powers, Germany and Japan were occupied in an effort to rebuild the unprecedented destruction inflicted on both nations by the allied forces, but also to prevent a relapse or any further desire by either nation to rekindle their belligerence. The US still has a military presence in Japan and Germany to this day. Occupation protects both the citizens of the occupied nation/territory, and the surrounding nations and populations from any potential threats. It works in many cases and places…with the exception of the Middle East. But we all saw what happens when the US pulled out of Afghanistan…terrorists (The Taliban) filled the void and regained control. And the people of Afghanistan are now worse off than when the US was occupying. Israel cannot have terrorist organizations surrounding them in additional locations (they already have Hamas in Gaza and Hezbollah in Lebanon not to mention Iran casting a long shadow over the entire region). Allowing more evil terrorists to fill their void would be suicidal. And I have no idea what any good alternatives might look like…only that I don’t understand why the world puts this onus on Israel and Israel alone.
Oseh shalom bimromav,
17)SMH: I am so sad and angry and fearful to live in a world where the events of last Saturday can not only happen, but be applauded and celebrated by many, ignored by many more and not unequivocally denounced, but rather justified or debated using whataboutisms and platitudes by huge swaths of humanity.
hu ya’aseh shalom aleinu
18)Mourner’s Kaddish: I have cried during the reciting of this prayer maybe nine times that I can remember. Three at the funerals of my grandparents, three more at the funerals of dear friends’ parents, once at the funeral of an uncle, once during an unforgettable episode of Homeland, and last night, during a Shabbat service at my Temple, in honor of those slain, tortured, kidnapped and butchered last week in Israel. I was a wreck. Just like our world.
v’al kol-yisrael, v’imru: “amen.”
May he create peace for us and for all Israel, and let us say, “Amen!”
Please, for all innocent men, women and children who have been killed this week, be it Israeli, Palestinian or other, and who will be killed in the coming days, weeks, months and beyond, may their memories be for a blessing.
IDROS has woken up in the morning 18,263 and a half times so far (an accomplishment in and of itself many of those mornings). And yes, it has certainly been better than the alternative.
If this were an anniversary it would be “Golden.” As a birth milestone, however, the shine is dulled. It’s a number better used for speed limits, interstates, prolific NBA individual scoring nights, Grant’s currency, Curtis Jackson, shades of grey and ways to leave your lover.
IDROS has now lived a year for every state in our union (though the past three have felt more like Alaska, Texas and California). But I digress.
To mark this auspicious achievement, IDROS put together a random list of top (and sometimes bottom) fours…his own Mount Rushmores (Mounts Rushmore?) of memories, truths and arcana. Follow along if you choose. Please know IDROS will not divulge the impetus or theme for any of these un-presidential stone carvings. Debate them if you must but allow this newly anointed AARP member the dignity of his own rankings. Some come from days of yore, so clearly there could be some haze, cobwebs and senility contributing to rankings and omissions you may feel are objectionable. Don’t fret. Even the original Mount Rushmore has its misgivings and predated some deserving replacements.
Before we begin, IDROS would be remiss in failing to honor and acknowledge family, friends, classmates, influences and meaningful connections he lost during his climb to the fiftieth floor. No human can make this journey alone, and IDROS feels blessed to have been part of their lives.
These will be listed in no particular order, and from left to right, meaning honorable mention on the left, then third, second and winner, winner chicken dinner moving to the right.
Here’s to 50 more:
Japan; Costa Rica; Italy; Israel
1981 NFC Championship Game; 1987 Stanley Cup Finals Game 6; 2008 World Series Game 6; Super Bowl LII
Snickers; Kit Kat; Reese’s PB Cup; Reese’s Take 5
Franklin Field; Aiden Lair Park; Mundauk Common; Robbins Park
Tipitina’s; Roseland; Tower; Beacon
Birthday with friends at a Chateau in Cognac, France; Limo from LaGuardia with Captain Kirk; Kayaking in Glacier Bay; Skydiving in Switzerland
Shark; Alligator; Live Scallop; Blow Fish
Herbie Hancock; Dr. John; Donald Fagan; Page McConnell
Dalessandros; Pat’s; Dino’s; John’s
The Wire; Succession; The Sopranos; Lost
The City: Literature and Culture; 12th Grade Calculus; International Relations; 8th Grade English
Blueberries; Pears; Raspberries; White Peaches
Maui; Santorini; Ambergris Caye; Ko Samui
West Side Story; Phantom; A Chorus Line; Les Miz
Drakkar Noir; Eternity; Gendarme; Cool Water
1991 NCAA Championship UNLV; Every Carolina Game in Cameron; 2001 Final 4 vs. MD; 1992 ERF vs. UK
Miss McCracken; Mr. Reif; Mr. Frankenberger; Mrs. Lane
Waffle House; Wild Bulls; Steak & Egg; The Biscuit King
Goodfellas; Original Star Wars Trilogy: Pulp Fiction; The Big Lebowski
All NY and NJ Pro Teams; Atlanta Braves; UNC; Dallas Cowboys
Gilhooley’s; Omar’s; Red’s; Maloney’s
Photographer’s Assistant; Valet Parking Attendant; Bartender; Camp Counselor
Aliens; Terminator 2; Godfather II; The Empire Strikes Back
Wine Corks; Die Cast Model Cars; Ticket Stubs; Baseball Cards
Bonnaroo; Lollapalooza; Jazz Fest; The Clifford Ball
Will Ferrell; Chris Farley; Eddie Murphy; Phil Hartman
Brunello di Montalcino; California Zinfandel; Barbaresco; Nobile di Montepulciano
Mount Pilatus; Mount Marcy; Masada; Mount Fuji
Conan; Carson; Letterman; Larry Sanders
Gardens; Forest; Chapel; Ellington
Knitting Factory; Irving Plaza; Wetlands; Tramps
Donna; Whitney; Ella: Barbra
The Glenn; Northern Lights; The Church; The Humbies
The Dead Sea; Lake Geneva; Grotta Azzurra; Adriatic Sea
Cod (at Nobu); St. Peter’s; Halibut; Dover Sole
Phish (all 4); Shatner; Gervais; Steely Dan (both)
Satisfactions; TJ Hoops; The Green Room; The Hideaway
Diff’rent Strokes; Cheers; Greatest American Hero; It’s Garry Shandling’s Show
Cherry Coke; Ginger Ale; Dr. Brown’s Cream; Classic Coke
10th Grade Geometry Class; A Recent Presidency; Covid; 9/11 (note: there have been a few deaths in the family including dogs – these all win, but can’t pick favorites)
Chez Es Saada; Madame X; Niagara; Belmont Lounge
The Flintstones; Looney Toons; Superfriends; Scooby Doo
Ohtani; Brady; Jordan; Gretzky
Wall to Wall Sound & Video Willow Grove; Napster; Columbia House; 94 WYSP Labor Day 500 Countdown Contest
The Simpsons; Arrested Development; Curb Your Enthusiasm; Seinfeld
David Gilmore; Neil Young; Trey Anastasio; Jerry Garcia
I have two kids in elementary school They are my world My heart smiles every day When I get to hug my little boy and girl
Their tears are tiny knives, That stab me as they fall I feel their pain any time they hurt Emotional or physical
We drop them off each morning And they shuffle off to class A quick embrace as we say “I love you” Thinking, “They grow up so damn fast!”
But you know what else we’re thinking As they disappear inside? That fleeting hug might have been the final time We saw our babies alive
I see the flag above me Though it sways at just half mast As the lump in my throat wells up I’m reminded of shootings past
I hear the screams of children From Sandy Hook to Robb Families shattered in an instant I pound the dash and sob
And as we drive off slowly We see the officer and nod All asking ourselves rhetorically Can this one cop really protect our children? Oh, dear god!
I still remember vividly a month or so ago “How was your day?” We asked her…and this is what she said After lunch today we did an active shooter drill We all hid in the closet; they called it a code red
Like a dystopian A Few Good Men Though no one ordered this Code Red I can’t handle the truth Little children end up dead
This is our new normal Helplessly we pray That the lead story on the news tonight Won’t mention our kids’ school’s name
And we hold our children tighter We squeeze them till it hurts Trying anything we can To drown out the breaking news alerts
There’s no escaping our lot in life Shirley Jackson’s Lottery presides A sigh of relief every peaceful day But fear and dread cloud our minds
Because tomorrow or the next day Another school will suffer Thoughts and prayers will not suffice We need leadership that’s tougher
America the beautiful America the great What our nation’s best at Is enabling mass murder and breeding generational hate
I beg our elected leaders A band of hypocrites and cowards, all To grow a pair collectively And stop acting so appalled
You can stop the bleeding The senseless butchering and slaughter The time is now, so fucking do it For our sons and for our daughters!
Thank you to all who helped make my birthday as great as it could be under these circumstances. Loved the messages, calls, texts, sexts, cards, emojis, balloons and general fanfare. Special shout out to Mrs. IDROS, who went above and beyond as usual with an incredible surprise recreation of one of my favorite restaurants, menus and birthday dinners.
As usual in America, our policy du jour is about making cents, rather than making sense.
#WearAFuckingMask
#BlackLivesMatter
Who is overseeing the testing sites…I fear those centers lack the regulatory oversight to be effective, and worse, may be spreading the virus (you know…bringing hundreds of likely ill people together to fester in a parking lot petri dish…)?
America is a Cancer…as we celebrate our nation’s birthday, it occurs to me that our American Zodiac sign might be…fitting?
IDROS does not agree with the removal of “all” historical monuments that celebrate racists and miscreants from a bygone era…many absolutely should be removed, and many others should be updated with plaques and inscriptions that detail A) why the monument or statue was erected, and more importantly, B) why the man/men (yes, it is almost always men, not women) are a stain on society, and, if known, whether they were more (racist, misogynistic, generally awful) than was the standard during their time (take Woodrow Wilson for example….)
What kind of reading and self-guided education have you been doing vis a vis racism in America? It’s never too late.
It’s a good thing America has been made great again, because we are not going to be allowed to leave our country again for a while as more and more nations close their borders to our citizens.
What instrument would you rank 5th all time for rock music (after guitar, bass, keyboards and drums)? IDROS goes harmonica.
If you enjoy non-fiction reading, I recommend any of the 4 books by brothers Dan and Chip Heath. Similar to Malcolm Gladwell, they write fascinating, research-based books that dissect important phenomena that affect all of humanity. A lot of what they write can be channeled into self-help and can add value to all of humanity. Dan works at Duke University, and Chip works at Stanford, in case University prestige and affiliation moves the needle.
IDROS is almost as embarrassed to live in Florida as he is to live in America right now…neck and neck really.
Facebook, Twitter and all other social media platforms need to be regulated more fervently in terms of “free” speech. It’s nice that large companies like Unilever, Starbucks and Verizon are now throwing their hats into the ring, pulling ads and hitting FB in its e-wallet…but this again proves that corporate conglomerates have more power than people in America and in the world…and so our politicians will continue to do their bidding, often at the expense of humanity.
Watched “Joker” this past weekend. Uncanny how much Leaf looks like Phil Dunphy…perhaps scarier than the themes in Joker.
I think my favorite moment from last month (#PrideMonth) came when the conservative majority court that our president and his lackeys fraudulently stacked in their favor, ruled to uphold LGBTQ rights…at least this time.
A few celebs that share my birthdate (June 29): Colin Hay, Kawhi Leonard, Nicole Scherzinger, Richard Lewis, Theo Fleury, Pepper Johnson (remember that block by Byars?), Dan Dierdorf, Fred “Gopher” Grandy, Bob Evans (the producer, not “Down on the Farm”)
What’s a tougher watch…the first 20 minutes of “Up” or the first 20 minutes of “Saving Private Ryan?” Any other movies with a more difficult opening to watch?
It is not easy to come up with a list of 47 (he says after only 18 entries).
A Monday birthday is not optimal. A Coronavirus birthday isn’t anyone’s first choice either. But both of those scenarios are outside my control (IDROS mutters to self, “not helping”).
Sad to not be celebrating this lap around our sun at the South Jersey shore.
40 years ago, all 4 Philly sports teams were elite. This year, who knows…but the Phillies lead the league in positive coronavirus cases, so there’s that
Remember when the Flyers were the best team in the NHL just before Covid shut the world down? Good times.
Recommend Philly-boy-turned-rapper Lil Dicky’s show “Dave” if you need a reco.
Who else is completely skeeved out by paper (and coin) money right now?
Dave Chappelle – 8:46 is pure genius. No doubt he belongs on the Mount Rushmore of comedy.
Who are the 3 others? (Eddie, George and Richard are consensus, but Mel, Carol, Larry, Lucille, Rodney, Jerry, Joan and Carl are all worthy of consideration).
Neil Young’s latest new release of old material “Homegrown” is very good…great in spots. My favorite song on the album is “We Don’t Smoke It No More,” a drunken barroom blues nugget that should be categorized among NY’s greatest blues efforts.
Phish, and especially Trey, have been prolific during the pandemic thus far. I will definitely miss seeing them this summer at traditional venues, but for my money, I prefer Tuesdays with Phish (for DAAM) to those with Morrie (sorry Mitch).
The selfishness of the “anti-maskers” is mindboggling, and their ridiculous stance is emboldened from the top.
Speaking of ludicrosity, our citrus fruit in chief needs to READ ICCULUS (if he can read)
I think that lost in the 125,000+ deaths so far from Covid (many of which I believe are the direct fault of DJT and state governors like him…yes I mean you, DeSantis) are the countless survivors of the coronavirus, who will become part of the data set that make this seem like a more docile beast than it is, but whose lives have been forever negatively impacted by the disease (breathing issues, lung scarring, organ damage, etc.). We don’t know what we don’t know, and the fallout from this shitstorm is far from realized at this point.
There haven’t been any school shootings on Covid’s watch thus far…so there is at least one silver lining
I have no real problem with calling Covid “The Chinese Virus” or “The Chinese Flu” per se…after all, we still call plenty of illnesses, viruses and pandemics by their place of origin, or by a country name (Spanish Flu, West Nile Virus, Ebola, etc.). I only take issue because of the buffoon who feels it necessary to make it a racist put-down by doing so.
Chuck E Cheese’s declaring bankruptcy, obvious as it may be in these crazy times, is devastating to my son.
The past 3 ½ months have been surreal.
Family Feud style, top 6 answers on the board: Can I get a(n) ______________?
Are the mobs coming for the White House? Will it inevitably become the Multicolored House?
There isn’t a litany of great famous athletes who have worn number 47 in history: Jack Morris, Tom Glavine, Mel Blount, Jerry Lucas, John Lynch are the best of the bunch.
Does 7 qualify as late? Like, am I now in my late 40s?
As a time of day, 7 never qualifies as late (I realize you might be running late for something at 7am or 7pm, or you may have overslept till 7, etc., but that doesn’t make 7 late…it makes YOU late).
How lazy was Susan? Would one instantly know upon meeting her?
47 is a prime number
RIP Carl Reiner, a true American treasure. My heart aches for Mel, Rob, the entire Reiner family and all Americans who knew and loved one of the greatest comedic minds of all time. In a time where we all can use as much laughter as possible, his void will be hard to fill.
A few more celebs that share the IDROS birthday: Harmon Killebrew, Maria Conchita Alonso (“The Running Woman”), Bret (not Jemaine) Mckenzie, Charlamagne Tha God, and, of course, Gary Busey
America is, and always has been, a work in progress. Our forefathers, some of whom were asshole slave-owners, racists, and misogynists, were remarkable in many ways, especially in their time. And our constitution was drafted to allow America the flexibility to evolve, and to get better over time. Never forget, on this Independence Day, that those who broke from their colonial rulers, did so at great personal and collective risk and against great odds, to create a new land of opportunity for “all” (read: originally, all white men…but slowly, more and more inclusive).
It is incumbent upon all of us to make our country better. Somewhere along the way it seems to have been lost on many that we have a responsibility to continue what our Founding Fathers started. We are truly only as strong and great as our weakest link(s). All of us must strive to do better, to be kinder, to be more empathetic, to educate ourselves and our children, to call out injustice when we see it, to refuse to remain silent in the face of oppression, and to make our nation better for future generations.
Thanks for reading, and Happy 4th. Stay safe everyone!
I volunteer as a docent at Miami’s Holocaust Memorial. This is a book we have in the office there. A simple and profound book. The word “Jew” typed six million times creates an incredibly large tome (it’s as thick as an encyclopedia volume as you can see), but it is imperative to remember that each of those words represents a life cut brutally short. Each “Jew” has his or her own story to tell. I do my part to bring some of those stories to light, to honor the memories of those six million. Much of my own family was ravaged by the hatred embodied by the Shoah, and as the last of the survivors near the end of their lives, I strive to be a bridge to younger and future generations, passing on the critical message of NEVER AGAIN!
When considering the current COVID-19 crisis gripping the world, most people point to the Spanish Flu in 1918 to be the most recent example of a global pandemic.
Today, on Yom HaShoah, I challenge that assertion. The rise of Fascism, and in particular, the Nazis, posed a far more virulent threat to mankind…and make no mistake: The Nazis and all they represented, were, and continue to be, a virus…a plague on humanity.
Defenses were down after the War To End All Wars and its aftermath crippled the global economy, foisting our planet into the Great Depression. Germany, as the instigator and loser of WWI, was hit hardest. And so the Nazi virus began its invasion using a path of least resistance, enveloping central Europe in a fever-dream of swastikas and a promise to Make Aryans Great Again.
At first, a majority of Germans and their neighbors didn’t take the threat seriously. They had ample opportunity to snuff the early flames before it spread. But through a combination of denial, selfishness and policies of appeasement which focused on local problems (be it within one’s family or municipality inside of Germany, or on fellow countrymen and national strife beyond the German borders – particularly in England – I’m looking at you Chamberlain), they failed to take early decisive action.
In fairness, those who unleashed the virus on their fellow man were deceitful. They propagated a campaign of lies, slyly undermining any efforts to slow the spread. Propaganda ensured rapid infection by way of sleight of hand…the virus was…get this…hailed as the cure – the magic elixir that would solve all of Germany’s rampant and real problems: unemployment, stagflation, poverty…helping the once-proud nation and it’s people to a return to glory. How? By blaming all of these problems on the Jews, of course.
By the time the NAZI-88 virus annexed the Sudetenland and bulldozed Poland it was too late. The disease had mutated. Local populations with dormant but no less virulent strains of the insidious ailment actually helped spread the disease. NAZI-88 preyed on hubris. And the weak, the elderly and the disabled were ravaged. Certain members of society were quarantined, and forced to produce munitions to bolster and help spread the infection.
But millions of ordinary European citizens had a choice…they could help stop the spread of NAZI-88, or they could aid and abet the virus in its death march across Europe. NAZI-88 could not truly take hold throughout the continent without the help of the ignorant masses…both those who actively spread the infection and those who passively sat idly by as the disease ravaged their communities.
Let the lessons of NAZI-88 be forever etched in our minds. In times when the ground below us begins to crumble, and the flames of hell begin to pierce our foothold, it is up to the masses to join together and extinguish, not fan, the flames, and to reinforce the barriers that protect our weakest brothers and sisters from slipping through the cracks. For it is ignorant to believe the sacrifice of the old and frail, of the disabled and infirm or even of the Jews or some other minority will smother the raging fires below; rather, doing so will serve to feed those dying embers and erode the earth that protects us all from their grip.
I don’t roll on Shabbas…and now, you won’t catch your author anywhere near a bowling alley any other day of the week either.
Bowling has to be one of the highest-risk activities to spread a contagious virus (maybe second to a trip to Chuck E Cheese’s?) Just thinking about reaching my fingers into those three holes (get your mind out of the gutter…see what I did there?) in any of those colored balls at a local bowling alley makes my stomach churn and the little hairs stand up on the back of my neck. Add to that the shared rental shoes, the touchscreen automated scoring apparatus, the arcade games, the bowling alley bathrooms and the other patrons (many of whom would fit right in on Tiger King) and you may as well reserve an ICU wing at the local hospital.
But I digress.
There are a number of distinct memories I have from childhood, both good and bad, that are forever etched into my mind, along with certain imagery…just thinking about the events below brings me back to a certain time and place in my life. And conversely, reminiscing about certain times in my life, I immediately recall these events which are forever associated with those specific ages and moments.
Gas station lines during the oil crisis in the ’70s
Phillies 1980 World Series Victory
Iran Hostage Crisis (in particular, the yellow ribbon – replete with its own song)
USA Hockey victory over USSR – The Miracle on Ice
John Lennon’s Assassination
Reagan’s Assassination Attempt
76ers 1983 World Championship
We Are the World
Challenger Explosion
Stock Market Crash of 1987
Earthquake Disrupts 1989 Bay Area World Series
The Gulf War – “This Aggression Will Not Stand!”
Tiananmen Square
Exxon Valdez Oil Spill
Berlin Wall Comes Down (And the subsequent dissolving of the USSR)
Magic Johnson Reveals He Has HIV
Rodney King Riots
Duke Back-to-Back Championships 1991-1992 – (in particular, the UNLV game in ’91 and the Kentucky game in ’92)
OJ – The car chase and the trial
*The list is not exhaustive and shows a clear bias toward negative stories (one wonders if that is a human thing, a media thing or an IDROS thing). IDROS included impactful events from early childhood through college graduation. Also, please note these are all shared events. Obviously, like IDROS, all of you have personal memories and life-altering events of which only you and your closest family and friends might be aware. But this COVID-19 affair affects the entire planet and so this list includes only events shared by much of, if not all of, humanity.
IDROS would love to hear from any readers who have other watershed events to include in the comments below.
Thinking back on the list above, IDROS can’t help but wonder how his and all children will remember this dark and unique time in our world.
How will it be taught in schools? What will be the lasting images and photos of the pandemic that will fill the History textbooks? What would be the impacts on our world? Did humanity change as a result? And how so? Do we look back at this time nostalgically? Did any good come from this crisis? Did society learn anything from this? What, if anything, was forever changed by Coronavirus? Was our response effective? What could we have done better? Where did our efforts fail? How are we more prepared going forward for another such threat?
A few of IDROS’ stray observations so far from the Coronavirus Pandemic:
No school shootings – an underrated benefit of this craziness
My kids don’t realize the fears my wife and I have when doing mundane things like going grocery shopping or getting gas in this new world
They also don’t know what we do once we return with our haul, or have it delivered – the hours wiping down all the boxes and packages with Clorox wipes, etc.
If you weren’t a hypochondriac and/or germaphobe before this pandemic…you are now!
IDROS fears even more than usual for all women and children living in an abusive home during this crisis (please read this great piece)
Doctors, nurses and hospital employees are true heroes (as are grocery store employees, delivery men and women, and all first-responders)
Yardwork is more fun when you are quarantined, but only marginally
Little to no traffic on the roads is a pleasant and welcome benefit of these times
IDROS believes the current situation must be especially difficult for anyone working a 12-step program (or similar) and prays for your continued strength – on the plus side: zoom meetings are available and the coffee is likely better
IDROS is legitimately scared…for his family, friends, all who are protecting us and helping us through this time, America, and for humanity
America’s greatest challenge in this pandemic, in IDROS’ humble opinion, is the vast amount of freedom the citizens of this country enjoy…to truly contain and defeat this enemy, a full lockdown is necessary and should have been instituted long ago (think, February). But Americans would never allow this en masse and will need to see much more devastation than a couple thousand deaths before allowing the government to claw back their freedoms. Nations with citizens who are more accustomed to dictatorial rule, or at least fewer liberties and freedoms in general, have fared much better during this pandemic.
That said, IDROS is humbled by the overwhelming selflessness of the majority of American (and global) citizenry. Most people are sacrificing everything for the greater good, forgoing sanity, their careers, income and most that life has to offer outside the four walls of their homes to ensure the safety of the first-responders, medical professionals, elderly and immuno-compromised in our communities…and frankly, have done so with no real clear leadership. There is no precedent for this situation and still, by and large, the response has been amazingly awe-inspiring…at least so far.
IDROS would like to thank all the kind people out there like John Krasinski who are trying to keep us focused on the good during these trying times.
Please be safe everyone. Humanity will prevail! Have faith and stay the f*c@ at home!
This is Us. (See what I did there? Pittsburgh….sadness.)
Unfortunately, there has been no shortage of seminal moments in our world that showcased the abject and baseless horror human beings can inflict on one another. History is littered with prime examples. And literature teems with responses.
A little more than two years ago, in the wake of another hate crime (Pulse, Orlando), just as Hillary and the Donald were wrapping up their victories in their respective Primaries, a young lady sat in one of the most American establishments there is, deep in the heart of a battleground state, and wrote these powerful verses:
Smith’s opus deftly captures the paradox of our planet, our world and humanity. It is at once breathtakingly beautiful, and horrifyingly awful. It makes you gasp in wonder, and cry tears of fear and futility. It is simultaneously optimistic and pessimistic. And in my eyes, if a person can take the human condition and our imperfect world with all of its flaws, decay and unbearable cruelty, and bottle them up in fewer than twenty lines of lyrical free verse, mixed with hints of optimism and belief in our children, in our future…well then perhaps not all is lost…even after Pittsburgh…and Parkland….and Las Vegas, and Charleston, and Sandy Hook, and so on down the line.
Still, they are just words. So while I encourage you to read them, re-read them, pass them on and focus on the hint of optimism at the end, please know that words are powerful, but actions always speak louder. I urge you to vote. And choose kindness. And teach kindness.
1) Pretty sure I saw the big DJ from Maloney’s circular bar a few weeks ago when I was at the shore…I did a double take and may have even stared a second or two too long…but that guy played Bon Jovi and Bruce and kept the party going until hours I only see when my baby cries in the middle of the night (because my two year old woke her up crying and I am useless).
2) Where in the world did Tia Carerre (her real name is Althea Rae Janairo, BTW) go? First off…her real name is Althea. I love the name Althea. But she was one the hottest actresses on the planet for a hot cup of coffee in the early to mid-90s…almost ubiquitous. Then she took a wrong turn with Pauly Shore and a second misstep with Eric Roberts and then found herself mired in B-Movie hell with a veritable who’s who in the netherworld of straight-to-video C-Listers from Stevie Baldwin to the pro’s pro, Steven Seagal…
3) A day on Venus is longer than a year on Venus. That’s right…look it up (or just click this link). Not only that, Venus is the only planet in our Solar System that spins counter-clockwise…so the sun rises in the West and sets in the East. Talk about an Axis that’s Bold as Love
4) These two guys:
5) I just finished watching The Wire, which was tops on my list for shows to be snarfed down like a box of Bugles or Thin Mints or anything else that it is extremely difficult to stop eating/drinking/doing once you start…binge watching at its finest. As promised, the show now rests firmly in my own pantheon of top five dramas of all time (where, exactly, I am still not sure)…but I can say this unequivocally: Whereas The Sopranos and Lost had endings that irked and disturbed me because they were executed somewhere between questionably and poorly (for Lost, that might be kind)…David Simon’s opus (vastly different than Mr. Holland’s) disturbed me at its end because the subject matter is just incredibly frustrating and vexing and well, disturbing…from beginning to end and everywhere in between.
6) I recently learned that Quentin Tarantino has the exact same IQ as none other than Steven Hawking…yeah, I wasn’t sure what to do with that either, but on some level it just makes sense. You will all get a kick out of this link
7) And lastly, there is a time when you and your partner/spouse/significant other are pregnant, but you are mired in the delicate period of “loose lips sink ships,” unable to tell anyone but the closest of relatives for fear of jinxing everything. It’s a weird couple of months, and as the safe zone approaches, I find it more and more difficult to keep the secret. Recently, in our eleventh week, I ran into a couple while out with friends (wifey wasn’t with me)…the woman was probably eight months preggo…it was so obvious I felt comfortable breaking rule number one for men when speaking to women…assuming (or asking) if she is, in fact, knocked up. I was excited as a father-to-be and so I found myself blurting it out to these two complete strangers just because of the bond of pregnancy.
Anyway…that’s my show for today. Enjoy the day and fruits of your labors.
Many people have requested a blog entry commemorating the birth of my daughter, Zana Maya. I have no intention of depriving my readers of their every wish, plus, I really can’t think about anything else right now. So it’s clearly a win win.
Since the moment Zana was born, here are some of the thoughts swirling through my sleep-deprived and ecstatic mind:
1) Getting to this point was not easy (mentally, physically, financially or in any other conceivable way), but it was incredibly above and beyond worth it;
2) No matter whether you have a boy or girl, as long as it is a healthy baby, the surprise is amazing, mind-blowing and like nothing else I have ever experienced;
3) I keep circling back to my favorite scene in My Blue Heaven, when Steve Martin says in his awful Italian accent, “You know, it’s dangerous for you to be here in the frozen food section.” The target of his charming admonishment, Shaldeen, replies, “why is that?” To which Steve quickly replies, “Because you could melt all this stuff.” Well over the course of the past four days, my daughter has melted my heart and everything else in my body over and over again. When the doctor first showed her to me, when her little footprints were inked onto her records and into her baby book, when her little hand first wrapped around my index finger with a tighter than expected little grip, when she first opened her little eyes and mouth, when she stretched for the first time, her first little noise…even her first cry (though that got old pretty quickly);
4) Thankfully, I enjoy the color pink. I am no Andy Walsh, mind you. But pink is alright with the Floyd, and it’s alright with me too;
5) 9-10 months is a decent amount of time to mentally prepare yourself for the fact that you are having a child, but not nearly enough time to actually get ready;
6) I am quite certain that the speed of the average car leaving every hospital with a newborn child on board is at least 10 miles per hour slower than the posted speed limit for the entire drive home;
7) Thank the effing lord I am not Chinese, cause those A-hole commie bastards would never have let me keep my precious daughter…I can’t even imagine what that must be like for those 50 per centers…and what is really mind-numbing is the shear numbers: there are like 4 times as many Chinese 50 per centers as Americans Mitt claimed not to care about;
8) I cannot wait for my first father-daughter dance;
9) I can’t help but wonder if my daughter will end up in a binder of some sort (sorry to get a tad political, but I couldn’t resist);
10) When your wife has a Caesarian section, you “miss out” on the entire birthing chapter known as labor, popularized in movies and television throughout the years as a prolonged, frightening, painful, loud, often drug-addled experience. I am not sure whether we would have had a similar experience had our daughter not been breech, but I do know we were preparing to go au natural and had been taking hypno-birthing classes. Then again, our experience added plenty of more credence to the old adage, “if you want to make god laugh, make a plan.”
11) If I had to choose, my favorite cinematic depiction of birth probably comes from She’s Having A Baby, primarily due to Kate Bush’s “This Woman’s Work” tugging at your heartstrings throughout the ordeal;
12) With my wife in surgery during the birth of our first child, I can honestly say that I have never feared more for the general well-being of two people simultaneously than I did this past Monday. It was truly gut-wrenching, and I feel blessed that everyone emerged healthy and safe;
13) I am incredibly lucky to have not only my amazing family, but my wife’s as well, to assist us and support us during this special time. Everyone has been great, and I am glad we could all share this experience together;
14) Amazingly, those that shared in Zana’s birth were all first-born children…including Zana. My wife and I, all four of our parents as well as my grandmother are the oldest children in our respective families (this is sort of like a factoid that may interest only me, for those that read Peter King’s MMQ column);
15) I am already so excited for next Halloween;
16) How friggin’ cute is that punim?
17) I absolutely believe my daughter is a giant extended middle finger to Adolf Hitler and the Third Reich;
18) I can’t wait for all of you to meet our new princess.
Yup, I had to go 18 for Chai…and no, not the tea.
Love and warm wishes for a wonderful Thanksgiving to all of you and your families.
We certainly have a great deal more to be thankful about in our home this year.
idontrollonshabbas 