In the words of a prominent Jew, This shit got me in my feelings. And there are so many overwhelming feelings and emotions that I am short circuiting inside my head. When I get emotional and need to process more than I can handle, I tend to write. So here goes. And I apologize in advance if this goes long and rambles from time to time. I appreciate you following along. I also apologize if any of this is graphic or difficult to digest or triggering in any way. But it is my truth…our truth, laid to bare.
I am mired right now between the proverbial Scylla and Charybdis of fear and dread. But the Sirens of anger, frustration, horror and grief are closing in as well. I have been warned since early childhood of not just man’s proclivity toward inhumanity and savagery toward his fellow man, but also of a specific branch of this brutality and dehumanization reserved solely for the Jewish people.
I saw it tattooed onto my grandparents’ wrists. I heard it in the stern warnings of survivors like Elie Weisel, who bunked with my grandfather in Auschwitz, and whom I went to hear with him and my family when I was but an age where I still tacked on a fraction. I read about it in books, like Anne Frank’s diary and Maus and Night. I learned about it in religious school and history class. I went to rallies. I traveled to Israel, and visited with family who also survived the Shoah to get there. I spoke to them and filled in some of the enormous gaps and missing branches of my family tree. I listened to stories that would make Wes Craven and Bram Stoker’s blood curdle. I visited Yad Vashem. I was one of the first to tour the Holocaust Museum in Washington DC, and the Jewish Museum in Philadelphia.
My family felt safe in America. The others, in Israel, told me they felt reasonably safe too. But there was always an underlying dread…a reality that our relative safety was incredibly fragile, and it was only a matter of time before the safety bubble afforded by the Holocaust (the world’s pity literally bought us a generation or so of relative reprieve) would erode and leave us back out in the cold and miserable Jew-hating world to fend for ourselves again.
Ahhhh…but now we have Israel! We all clung to this notion…our own semitic holy grail. Israel’s mere existence made another Holocaust impossible, right? If they came for us again, we knew we had a safe place to go where we could be free and proud to be Jewish…we knew we had a place that wanted us, and where we felt like family.
Well, the events of the past week definitely took some wind out of those sails. I’m not saying I believe the utopian dream of Jews, our Ner Tamid, has been extinguished. But the reality of how fragile and exposed and isolated Israel truly is, wedged amid vicious enemies, terror groups, and tyrants has not been so apparent since 1973. And in that 50 years, as the world’s dependency on oil grew exponentially with its population, and new regimes rose and fell around the tiny Jewish nation based on oil prices and various wars and shadow wars orchestrated by the global superpowers, fundamentalists seized the ensuing chaos to grab hold of a war weary and easily manipulated population, ratcheting up the hatred of the infidels in Israel and the colonist West. After all, it was the Western powers that dropped the state of Israel like a bomb in the middle of their Arab hegemony, and propped Israel up and used it to interfere in their meal ticket commodity, their black gold.
But that was THE lie they clung to and fed to the rest of the world…especially the war-weary new generation of hippies and liberals. Jews had been continuously living in the region for thousands of years…since before there was Islam. There were large and glorious populations of Jews in pretty much every nation in the Middle East for hundreds and even thousands of years…before there were borders that carved nations out of the desert once ruled by empires.
And so, from THE big lie (one of many actually), I will begin to unload and unpack the various sources of my anger, fear and dread that were magnified by the events of last Saturday:
Yitgadal v’yitkadash sh’mei raba
1) A Greek Tragedy: Maybe Jews are the embodiment of mythical Sisyphus. Though we have certainly cheated death more than twice, it seems we are doomed to suffer for eternity, pushing our metaphorical rock up a never-ending mountain of grief, despair and torture.
di-v’ra chirutei, v’yamlich malchutei b’chayeichon
2) Silence is not golden in the face of evil: I am angry that the right people won’t read this (or any of the amazing posts I have read from many in my Network) because we all live in our self-chosen echo chambers in today’s polarized world. I would like to begin by thanking those of you in my life and any of my networks and chats and who aren’t Jewish, who have taken the time to reach out to me personally and especially those who have posted publicly in support of Israel and Jews in the wake of the latest horror show. It means so much! Unfortunately, your support represents a very small percentage of my non-Jewish world, and the ambivalence, cowardice and/or antisemitism that has been illuminated among the others is telling and extremely painful.
uvyomeichon uvchayei d’chol beit yisrael,
3) Sitting Shiva on Groundhog Day: I am exhausted from having to repeatedly defend the one Jewish country in the world…even after a traumatic and brutal event on par with and in many ways, even worse than 911 (in terms of the dehumanizing elements of targeting and raping and brutally murdering infants, children, mothers and grandmothers, as well as in sheer numbers killed and inured as a percentage of population, and because this was a hate crime against Jews, and not simply an indiscriminate terror attack). Think about that. At a time when Jews everywhere are all triggered by generational trauma, when we are in mourning, in shock and unable to breathe, when we should be comforted and shown kindness and offered condolences and words of compassion, instead, we are forced into a cycle of needing to defend, of getting sucked into ludicrous debates dripping with whataboutisms (a tactic, mind you, that if it were brought into a conversation or debate following a tragedy or event involving any other minority, race, gender, or slice of humanity, would be met with vicious counter-attacks, scorn, dismissal and banishment from said dialogue).
ba’agala uvizman kariv,
4) We dread what comes next more than what happened: After I digested the events of last Saturday morning and gave myself a few minutes to mourn what could only be described as the set of the next Saw movie (except in real life), I immediately had a pit in my stomach, dreading what was to come. As angry and horrified as I was over the brutal murders of Jews, the imminent retaliation I knew was inevitable weighed on my trembling soul. I am beyond incensed at the murder of my brothers and sisters in Israel, but even more furious at what their deaths will force the Israeli government and armed forces to do to avenge the fallen and taken, and to prevent further attacks.
v’im’ru: “amen.”
5) Out of Proportion: A consistent source of frustration and anger throughout my life as I have analyzed the complexities and nuances of the Israeli/Palestinian conflict is the idea of “Proportionate Response.” War is awful. But I assure you, in any war or battle throughout the history of man, there is nobody sitting on the sidelines keeping score, using a clicker or abacus to count the dead and injured on each side. I am certain that the scrutiny of this particular conflict focuses on such details due to racism above all, and that makes my blood boil. Beyond the usual and justifiable rationales behind the discrepancy in body counts (we have a right to defend our citizens), the fact that Hamas, a known terrorist organization, purposefully instigates retaliation while hiding behind women and children, and locating their operations and munitions in hospitals and schools, ensures unbalanced collateral damage. They want it that way. They don’t care about their own people they were “elected” to serve and protect…they only want the rest of the world to be shocked and repulsed by the images of dead Palestinian children. And it works. Further, nobody ever brings up the fact that during each incident, thousands of rockets are launched into Israel with the intent to murder Jews. The fact that Israel wisely spends huge sums of its budget on DEFENSE and fortunately has technology that can stop most of these rockets should not influence world opinion regarding what could have happened. The world plays the result, and only sees the aftermath. Not the panic in the streets of Israel; the days and nights spent in bomb shelters; the disruption of business and life in general, on the regular; and the terror Israeli’s face daily, living side by side with people intent on murdering them. Attempted murder is a crime too. Every rocket launched from Gaza is a war crime. Yet this goes unmentioned from the armchair foreign policy analysts around the world. And lastly, I leave you with this to ponder: what exactly is the proportionate response to rape? To beheading babies? To torturing and kidnapping elderly women? To violently murdering parents in front of children and children in front of parents? To cutting unborn fetuses out of pregnant mothers and shooting the baby and the mother?
Y’hei sh’mei raba m’varach l’alam ul’almei almaya.
6) Antizionism IS the New Antisemitism: The state of Israel allows (read: mostly leftist, liberal) Jew haters everywhere to be more comfortable in a woke world. But I also know Israel is a true beacon of pretty much everything that side of the aisle holds sacred. That said, the woke crowd won’t have it. Even the most intellectual among them are relentless in their stubborn refusal to acknowledge Israel as an ally to their causes and a friend in a region where so many other nations and players and citizens would literally throw them in jail (or much, much worse) for extolling the rights of the LBGTQ community, the equality of women, free speech, free press and free assembly. Make no mistake…the heinous and barbaric crimes commited last Saturday were not an attack on Israel and Israelis and their Government. THEY WERE AN ATTACK ON JEWS, EVERYWHERE IN THE WORLD! And I am sickened, and terrified.
Yitbarach v’yishtabach,
7) I am scared for my children: It must have been shortly after the Rodney King riots in the 90s when I first heard a black celebrity on a talk show describe “the talk” black parents must have with their children, about what to do if they get pulled over and talking to the police in general. It made a lasting impression on me. Now I have children and have come to the realization that my wife and I too, as Jews, must have a similarly depressing series of conversations with our children. We need to carefully recount their family histories, which include Concentration Camps, the Holocaust, hidden children, pogroms, looting, confiscation, torture, “scientific” experimentation, murder, DP camps, humiliation, starvation, the rise of Communism, Socialism, poverty, etc. We also need to paint the picture of our world, and what that means for Jews, be it the police presence at synagogue and religious school, the time a girl at school asked my son if he killed Jesus after finding out he was Jewish, the Tree of Life murders, the Paris terror, neo-Nazis, the KKK, a thousand other stories and hate crimes from around the world…and of course Israel.
It broke my heart yesterday when my eight-year-old son asked my wife, “Will Hamas find out that Jewish people like us live in America? Will they come after us here?” And what parent wants their children to fear their identity, their religion, their ethnicity, right? Let that sink in a bit. Devastating. Then:
v’yitpa’ar v’yitromam
8) From the mouths of babes: Guess where my mind went from there? To the depths of hell, that’s where! I started thinking about all this new technology we have, and all the posts the Jewish community has made globally, and thinking that the modern-day Hitler, these shitty terrorists, could now easily track all of the Jews and Jew supporters and actually do something on the level my son was suggesting…
v’yitnaseh, v’yithadar v’yit’aleh v’yit’halal
9) Academia, a safe and inclusive space for all: I am furious at universities and supposed idyllic campuses for “higher education” and have been for some time. Wokeness and Liberal antisemitism has been festering on campuses around the world under the guise of freedom of speech and inclusiveness. But guess who was never invited to this party? Probably the greatest champions of human rights, civil liberties and LBGTQ and Gender equality on the planet (definitely per capita, and arguably by overall contributions as well). And why? Because many Jews support Israel, which is unacceptable in today’s hallowed halls of academia. How these campuses, many of which can count Jews as some of their largest donors and benefactors and distinguished alums, can allow this insidious filth to penetrate their ivy walls and classrooms, where professors with tenure lambaste Israel in front of full lecture halls of malleable young minds, is beyond me. But the real kicker has been a proliferation of university-sponsored events, usually on campus or nearby, that feature some of the world’s most notorious and outspoken antisemites (generally under the cloak of antizionism). I can count both of my alma maters, Duke and NYU, among these crumbling institutions (and want to puke), as well as UPenn, Temple, CAL Berkeley, UNC, Stanford, Harvard and too many more to count.
sh’mei d’kud’sha, b’rich hu,
10) And Iran (not Flock of Seagulls): I am furious at our current administration in the US for releasing the funds to Iran. I know Iran played a role here. To what extent, we shall see. But the looming deal between Saudi Arabia and Israel along with the timing of the release of the funds was no coincidence. And are the politicians claiming the funds were frozen in Qatar (the largest funder of Hamas) serious? They claim the money could only be used for humanitarian uses. Great…so up to 6 billion in Iran, that might have gone to those uses, was now freed up to fund terror. I don’t understand the blindness there. Money is money. YOU DON’T MAKE DEALS WITH TERRORISTS! Rule 1, 2 and 3 of diplomacy. Biden and his cronies have some ‘splainin to do. (And it seems the Saudi/Israel negotiations have been derailed…so victory to Iran and Hamas on that front).
l’eila min-kol-birchata v’shirata, tushb’chata
11) Religion and Politics: Make no mistake: I am angry at many members of BOTH parties and many “independents” too. I realize Jews have tremendous allies in American politics and am grateful. But both parties are littered with antisemites and those who not only tolerate antisemitism, but encourage and attract it with their rhetoric, policies, hunger for power and tacit support for nefarious regimes and tyrants globally. I had a friend post something to social media this week in support of her Jewish friends, which is amazing. However, said message of support also contained a pointed attack on one political party in our country. This is not a time to exploit the horrific terror attacks in Israel for your own political gain or messaging. BOTH PARTIES ARE GUILTY OF ANTISEMITISM. Jews have no safe harbor in American nor global politics.
v’nechemata da’amiran b’alma,
12) Set Up to Fail Israeli Awful: Speaking of dealing with terrorists, I don’t really understand what the world nor the US in particular, expected Israel to do given the fact that a terrorist organization was running the show in Gaza? Why was Israel solely responsible? Hasn’t the world seen firsthand the difficulty of freeing a nation from the grips of a militant terrorist organization. The world’s two most powerful superpowers spent much of two decades failing spectacularly in Afghanistan. It is brutal for even the largest and wealthiest countries with the most powerful arsenals…so what exactly was the expectation of Israel here? Even throwing tons of money at them couldn’t help, especially given the rest of the world’s one-sided view of Israel coupled with the fact that so much money continued to be funneled to Hamas under the guise of humanitarian aid.
v’im’ru: “amen.”
13) Egypt Us: And then there is the rest of the Arab and Islamic world, and in particular, Egypt. Why do they get a pass? Why is this situation always blamed on Israel, and Israel alone? Pretty much everything that has happened in that region since the end of WWII is the fault of the UN (who now has become the most antisemitic joke of an organization in the entire world), and the 20+ Islamic nations in the region who have repeatedly attacked, funded, instigated, harbored terrorists, ethnically cleansed themselves of once thriving Jewish communities and made life extremely difficult for Israel. And Egypt, who also shares a border with Gaza, has been downright obstinate in alleviating problems. The Arab and Islamic world has conspired to use the Palestinian people, who none of them want in their countries, as pawns in a long con to win back Israel’s territory in the world’s “court of public opinion.” And it is working.
Y’hei shlama raba min-sh’maya v’chayim
14) Unsettled: The only opinions that should matter are Native American, African Bushmen, Māori or Aboriginal (and of the like). I am so triggered every time I hear or read about Israel’s “settler colonialism.” It is very easy for many to sit in their comfortable homes in America and Europe (and Australia, South America, Asia, etc.) with relative security afforded by millennia of colonialism, slavery, and institutional racism and cast judgment on a fledgling nation composed of the most hated and vilified minority on earth, historically and currently. Especially when most doing the judging would not be able to endure one second of life in said country, conscripting their children to the army at eighteen, living with constant threat of incursion and terror, and doing this with the generational trauma all of them have from not just the Holocaust, but Stalin, the Middle Eastern actual ethnic cleansing of Jews, the Cossacks, the Inquisition, the Edict of Expulsion and countless other genocidal and antisemitic purges, policies, hate crimes and incidents. The Palestinian people were given land for a state just as the Jews were. They rejected it, and then joined four other Arabic nations in declaring war on the Jews. Then the Arab league attacked two more times, and the Palestinians were quite complicit. Israel captured land during each of those three incursions to help defend against further attacks. Throw in Munich, multiple Intifadas and volatile, tyrannical and terrorist leadership with ties to and funding from Iran, who has sworn to wipe Israel of the face of the earth, and it is difficult to blame Israel for annexing land that helped secure its people in regions most defensively vulnerable to attack.
aleinu v’al-kol-yisrael,
15) Appeasement is feeding the crocodile, hoping he will eat you last: As Churchill famously decried, appeasement of evil never works. Ask Chamberlain, or any French leader after Napoleon. I don’t know how we free Palestine and many other Middle Eastern nations from the grips of terrorists, but if our world ever wants to see peace in the Middle East, rooting out and destroying terrorist organizations, cells and their accomplices would be an appropriate step. It will take time, will endanger the lives of millions and could set off a world war. But if the world is unwilling to combat evil at the scale it did in 1941, then the awful cycles of violence we see repeatedly throughout the Middle East will continue to reverberate, forever. And if people truly do care about the plight of the innocent Palestinians, this is the only way forward.
v’im’ru: “amen.”
16) The Emancipation Occupation: Israel takes blame around the world for its Occupation of the West Bank and control of Gaza’s borders. Do schools teach history? Following most wars throughout the history of mankind, the victors have occupied the losers. In ancient times and until the end of the First World War this was done for colonial reasons and to remunerate the victors for the steep cost of battle. Following the Second World War, however, at least for the Western Powers, Germany and Japan were occupied in an effort to rebuild the unprecedented destruction inflicted on both nations by the allied forces, but also to prevent a relapse or any further desire by either nation to rekindle their belligerence. The US still has a military presence in Japan and Germany to this day. Occupation protects both the citizens of the occupied nation/territory, and the surrounding nations and populations from any potential threats. It works in many cases and places…with the exception of the Middle East. But we all saw what happens when the US pulled out of Afghanistan…terrorists (The Taliban) filled the void and regained control. And the people of Afghanistan are now worse off than when the US was occupying. Israel cannot have terrorist organizations surrounding them in additional locations (they already have Hamas in Gaza and Hezbollah in Lebanon not to mention Iran casting a long shadow over the entire region). Allowing more evil terrorists to fill their void would be suicidal. And I have no idea what any good alternatives might look like…only that I don’t understand why the world puts this onus on Israel and Israel alone.
Oseh shalom bimromav,
17) SMH: I am so sad and angry and fearful to live in a world where the events of last Saturday can not only happen, but be applauded and celebrated by many, ignored by many more and not unequivocally denounced, but rather justified or debated using whataboutisms and platitudes by huge swaths of humanity.
hu ya’aseh shalom aleinu
18) Mourner’s Kaddish: I have cried during the reciting of this prayer maybe nine times that I can remember. Three at the funerals of my grandparents, three more at the funerals of dear friends’ parents, once at the funeral of an uncle, once during an unforgettable episode of Homeland, and last night, during a Shabbat service at my Temple, in honor of those slain, tortured, kidnapped and butchered last week in Israel. I was a wreck. Just like our world.
v’al kol-yisrael, v’imru: “amen.”
May he create peace for us and for all Israel, and let us say, “Amen!”
Please, for all innocent men, women and children who have been killed this week, be it Israeli, Palestinian or other, and who will be killed in the coming days, weeks, months and beyond, may their memories be for a blessing.
#NeverAgain
idontrollonshabbas 